Page 79 of Isabel and the Rogue

“You’re right. I have to learn to temper my expectations or else I’ll go mad.” She bit her lip. “I just can’t help but think of all these horrible scenarios of what would happen if all of the letters we’ve sent were lost.”

“I’m sure a missive will reach the necessary parties in time.” He perched his chin on the top of her head.

Isabel released a long sigh. “It will take time for the garrison at Martinique to reach Sisal or even Veracruz,” she said slowly, processing the logistics.

“Exactly.” Sirius rubbed her back. “All the more reason to have hope.”

He was right, of course, but then Isabel knew that trying to temper her worries was a fruitless exercise. Until she received confirmation that her parents, the president, and the cabinet members had escaped to safety, Isabel was convinced she would not be able to sleep.

Taking a step back, Isabel looked up at Sirius. A tender light burned in his gaze as he stared down at her, and when he carefully brushed her curls back from her face, Isabel suddenly felt as if her lungs were too tight to draw in breath.

Be brave. She recited the mantra several times, painfully aware their affair had to end if she wanted to survive Sirius with her pride intact. Her heart, in comparison, was already in tatters.

“Thank you for coming to me,” she managed, moving a step away.

Sirius let his arm fall. “Thank you for letting me stay.”

She lifted a shoulder, her palms clammy. “I should freshen up. Lupe will be here soon.”

He nodded, his blue eyes narrowing.

“And I’m sure you have plans,” Isabel babbled, her hands gesturing nervously. “You’ve always kept a busy social schedule.”

“A bit of a job requirement,” he said.

Her chuckle sounded odd to her own ears. “You’re probably more than ready to focus on your work again, and not follow me, ensuring I don’t find trouble.”

Unable to hold his gaze a moment longer, Isabel spun about and fussed with the items on her dressing table. A silent moment passed, and a small piece of Isabel died with every second that ticked away on her bedside clock.

“Isabel,” Sirius finally said, a frown in his voice. “Why does it feel like you’re saying goodbye?”

Isabel shifted back and forth on her feet, her fingers curling to bite into her palms. “It’s not goodbye. It—it just occurred to me that our time together has come to an end. You helped me discover the information I was looking for—”

“You did that yourself, sunshine.” Isabel looked over her shoulder to find him with a small half smile on his lips. “Westhope was smitten with you because you are everything that is charming and lovely.”

Tearing her gaze from his, Isabel dropped her eyes to the tabletop. She couldn’t do this if he continued to be so wonderful. Dread pumped through her veins like acid, coalescing around her heart with a crippling sting.

“Whatever the case may be, you offered to help me and you did.” Isabel pivoted, leaning back against the dressing table. She tried to smile and hoped it didn’t appear as broken as she felt. “You can get on with your life now. The cosmopolitan, sophisticated life you led before you agreed to help me.”

A deep groove appeared between Sirius’s brows. “Get on with it?”

“Of course.” She gestured at him with a hand. “I’m sure the Home Office has been so thrilled by your work with me, and are ready for you to get back to the business of defending England. I don’t want to monopolize any more of your time.”

Sirius simply looked at her, and a sob threatened to burst free from her throat at the shuttered look in his eyes. “Any more of my time. Right.”

The flat tone in which he said the words battered her resolve.

Isabel barreled on, her mind searching for things to say to help him understand why this had to end, when all she truly wanted was to curl up in his arms. But she couldn’t trap him. Sirius had too many responsibilities, too many people who depended on him, too many people he loved and supported to abandon them for her. Isabel’s pride refused to even broach the subject.

“I can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done to help me get to this point.” Isabel ignored how her voice cracked, determined to set him free before he realized how precariously she held herself together. “I would have searched, in vain, for a very long time.”

Sirius took a step closer to her, and Isabel flinched. If he touched her, she would crumble. He jerked to a halt, though, his face turned ashen. “Isabel.” He paused, his throat working. “Is this the end?”

Oh God. Isabel clamped her eyes closed and pressed her tongue to the roof of her mouth until she was certain she wouldn’t cry. “I know you’re busy, Sirius, and I don’t want you to have to waste any more of your time on me.”

“You could never be a waste of time, Isabel.” Sirius grasped her shoulders, shaking her until she met his gaze. “I want—”

Her hand shot out to press against his chest, and Isabel struggled not to curl her fingers into the soft hair that ran down his sternum. “Your home is here, and mine”—she swallowed—“is not. I can’t continue to be this close to you knowing that what we share has a time limit.”