Page 53 of Isabel and the Rogue

Isabel looked away.

“Isa, do you still not know what you’re worth? Do you still settle for scraps and fleeting bits of affection because that is all you think you deserve?” Gabby’s palms pressed to her cheeks, and Isabel was forced to meet her sister’s blazing eyes. “Father gave you—gave us—only the smallest hints of affection, and then only to keep us in line. But that doesn’t mean that’s how it should be. That doesn’t mean you can’t want more.”

Any words Isabel wished to say were trapped by the lump of tears burning in her throat. Pressing her hand to her lips, she shook her head, willing her emotional dam to hold.

But Gabby seemed determined for Isabel to confront her emotions, for she gently smoothed back the escaped curls from her face, her gaze intent on Isabel’s. “Do you not want to marry Captain Dawson? Are you happy with an affair and nothing more?”

Isabel shook her head. “I—I don’t know what I want.”

“That’s fair. After everything we’ve been through, it’s hard to know much of anything.”

“It’s just…” Isabel hiccuped, and she paused while her throat worked. “I don’t want to stay here, Gabby. I want to return to Mexico. We’ve been gone so long and I still feel like a stranger here.”

Gabby’s expression softened. “I understand. It’s been hard to make f—”

“But you have made friends,” Isabel interrupted with a scowl. “You have the women’s group you attend, and you’re invited to parties and events all the time. People want you here. You have a place. Ana has a place. I don’t, hermana.”

“I assure you that whatever place you think I have here is not permanent.” Before Isabel could ask what she meant, Gabby gripped her fingers so tight they hurt. “And anyway, I want you here. Ana wants you here. Gideon does, too.” She jerked on Isabel’s hand until she met her eyes. “And Captain Dawson wants you here. Isn’t that enough?”

It should be. Her mind recognized her sister’s argument, and Isabel knew, to the depths of her soul, that she was loved and wanted. And yet her heart wanted what it wanted.

“I wish it was, querida. I really do,” she whispered, bringing their clasped hands to her face and rubbing Gabby’s knuckles along her cheek.

Her sister was silent, her hazel eyes simply watching Isabel as if she were a riddle she was determined to solve. Isabel let her watch, uncertain of what to say or do to make this situation easier for either of them. The thought of leaving her sisters behind felt like a chasm cracking open in her chest and sucking the joy from her world. And yet the thought of staying in England, always feeling like an outsider looking in, was a fate she was resolved to avoid.

“Do you think it’s possible, Isa,” Gabby began, her words halting and cautious, “that Captain Dawson has not asked for more of you because he knows of your wishes to return to Mexico?”

Isabel swallowed and then shook her head. “I only told him of my wish to return very recently.”

Gabby pursed her lips. “I wonder if his hesitancy is on his side. Perhaps there is something in his past that is keeping him from pushing for more.”

“Why must there be some great motive for his disinterest?” Isabel’s laugh was harsh. “Let’s not skirt the truth. He never has. He’s a rake. A rogue, and I’ve never expected him to act differently. As if I could possibly change him.”

“Of course you couldn’t. A person needs to change himself.” A faraway look turned Gabby’s eyes glassy. “But I’ve seen the way he’s looked at you, Isa. Once I realized there was something happening between the two of you, I thought back to prior interactions you’ve had with him, and noticed it. He’s different with you. He’s more…genuine. I don’t know how to explain it, I just know it when I see it.”

“I suspect you’re seeing what you want to see.”

“And I suspect you are, too,” Gabby retorted, a smug smile playing on her lips.

Isabel gritted her teeth and looked away. After a pause, she plowed forward. “Regardless of what you think you see, Sirius’s home is here. He’s well liked and well respected, and never wants for company. He would gain nothing from a marriage to me—”

“He’d gain you, Isa.” Gabby’s expression was implacable. “You are a prize without measure.”

Clamping her eyes closed, Isabel released a watery laugh. Before she could respond, a knock sounded on the drawing room door. Smoothing her hands over her cheeks, she tried to calm herself while Gabby called for the butler to enter.

“Lord Westhope is here to see you, Miss Luna,” he said from the door. “Should I tell him you’re in?”

The sisters exchanged a loaded glance before Isabel nodded. “Please do, Evans. Thank you.”

After the door had been closed again, Isabel rose to her feet and crossed to the opposite end of the room to peer at herself in the gilded mirror that hung there. Aside from a faint tinge of red lining her eyes, her appearance looked unfazed by her recent discussion with Gabby, and Isabel released a breath. She was almost glad Lord Westhope had come to call, for she needed the distraction. He was friendly and witty, and she always enjoyed the time she spent with him.

“You know, Isa, that the viscount wishes to make you his bride,” Gabby said into the silence.

Isabel did not respond, merely meeting her sister’s gaze in the mirror’s reflection.

“Have you told him about your desire to return to Mexico?”

“I haven’t.” Isabel swallowed. “As I have no notion of when I will be returning, it didn’t seem appropriate to bring up.”