Page 84 of The Best I Never Had

I’m going to be sick, throw up all over this cake and ruin the wedding for real. How could I not have seen this coming? Didn’t I expect this from the start? Every woman I’ve ever dated has gotten bored, has wanted something more exciting. How could the most thrilling woman in the world settle for someone like me?

I got so caught up in Thea’s orbit, let myself trust in the way she looks at me and how open she’s been this week. Let myself believe I could be someone worth sticking around for, when really she was just passing time while waiting around for a better offer.

Mom continues. “I’m sure that’s what your nana’s thinking. Convince the woman you love to move up here and fill your head with enough nonsense to get you to throw away your life on a whim.”

I’m still spiraling about Thea, but I’m done letting Mom dismiss what I want.

“It’s not nonsense,” I say, harsher than I planned.

Mom jolts back. “Leaving your company, the company your father spent his last years fighting for, isn’t nonsense? Abandoning the hundreds of people whose livelihoods depend on your work isn’t nonsense? And what about your father’s memory?”

She chokes on a sob, turning away from me. I step toward her, but she lifts her hand when she hears my movement.

“I’m not saying I’m leaving,” I say, “just that I’d like to try something on the side.”

“It’s the first step,” she says through tears.

“Mom, come on.” It’s a battle to fight down my frustration. It’s an extreme reaction to me saying I want to do something outside the business. She’s always been so concerned with me carrying on Dad’s legacy, so controlling in leading me to the life he wanted for me, but I haven’t said I’m leaving. I just want something for myself. Why does she feel entitled to my decisions, even the small ones?

“I can’t believe you would do this,” she says.

“I’m not trying—” I start, but Mom doesn’t let me finish.

“And during your brother’s wedding, no less.”

Her words dig under my sternum, the guilt and pressure to protect Harrison clawing at my insides. But I’ve spent my life fulfilling this role, making choices for him and for them and for everyone but me.

I’m on the ledge, and I don’t know what will happen if I jump. I may cave and hate myself for it, or I may lose it on her and make her skip the wedding, in which case I’ll hate myself even more. My body is screaming, Get out, get out, get out. Words sit on the tip of my tongue, waiting for me to open my mouth and let them flow out like lava, destroying everything in its path.

I stack the cakes back in the refrigerator while Mom continues sniffling and going on about how she and Harrison wouldn’t know what to do without me and how they and the Hayes community need me. I have to get out, to delay and distract until after the wedding, so I excuse myself, cutting the conversation off.

It’s a battle to get a breath in by the time I reach the bathroom. I splash some water on my face, meeting my eyes in the mirror. They’re wide and frantic. I force myself to hold my gaze, seeing the man I’ve become. A man pushed to the limit. I can’t go back to how it was before, me sacrificing everything I want to keep the peace. Thea gave me that, even if she’s leaving me shattered.

I don’t know how I’m supposed to make it through the next three days with Thea, pretending like I’m fine when my heart has been ground to dust under the heel of her boot. And it’s not just this weekend. Every year when I come up to what has always been my happy place, she’s going to be here, reminding me of my stupidity for thinking I had a future with her, that she’d want me beyond a few hookups to pass the time.

At least I won’t have to fake my heartbreak for my family anymore. How’s that for a silver lining?

Chapter 25

THEA

Addy and I barely make it into my room before she breaks down in tears, and I pull her over to the bed. She drops her head into my lap, just like when we were girls and she was too overwhelmed by a new home and a new set of rules she didn’t understand yet. I murmur soothing words, running my hand over her hair until her tears slow.

“It’ll be okay, Addy,” I whisper into the silence, and she hiccups in response.

Addy doesn’t lift her head from my lap. “I was so scared something happened to you.”

“But it didn’t. I’m right here,” I say, and Addy shivers.

“I can’t lose you. Please don’t leave me alone.”

My heart squeezes. “I’m not going anywhere, but you aren’t alone anymore. You have so much more than just me, so many people who love you.”

She shakes her head against my leg, a new set of sobs shaking her body. We stay like that, me running my hand through Addy’s hair, her tears soaking my jeans.

“Am I making a mistake?” Addy whispers, like she’s scared if she speaks the words too loudly, they’ll echo through the inn.

My hand stills in her hair. “A mistake in marrying Harrison?”