Page 69 of The Best I Never Had

There. I said it, and there’s no taking it back. I’ve opened Pandora’s damn box. And shockingly, I don’t regret it. It’s a weight off to know it’s out there, even if I’m still stewing in what it will mean for our relationship.

Addy’s face drains of color. “No. Oh my god, no. I’m so sorry, Tia. That wasn’t what I meant. You’re my sister. My best friend. I didn’t mean you.”

Her words and the accompanying relief knock the wind out of me. I know Addy better than I know myself. The way her jaw tightens when she’s apologizing just to end the argument and how her eyes bounce around the room when she’s lying. Right now, she’s meeting my gaze head-on, her posture open and her eyes devastated, and I believe her.

Addy takes a step toward me but stops herself. “Please. Please forgive me. I’m sorry.”

I close the distance, pulling her into a hug. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have gotten so angry or run out.”

We stand there, clutching each other and crying, the type of cathartic cry that washes you clean by the end. Her arms around me make me feel cherished. I need to be better about trusting our relationship. We may not be perfect like everything else about Addy, but we’re real. Our foundation is strong enough to handle the shockwaves of our fights without collapsing.

“Tia?” Addy hiccups when our tears slow.

I squeeze her even tighter. “Yeah?”

“Can you please get me out of this dress?”

Both of us laugh, our bodies supporting each other as we collapse forward. I spin her around, undoing the buttons as quickly as I can. Once free, Addy throws herself onto the bed, starfished out in nothing but her shapewear.

“It’s so nice to lie down. I’ve been standing for two hours because I was worried I’d get it all wrinkled.”

“It’s lace. Does it even wrinkle?”

Addy lifts her hands and lets them drop on the bed. “I don’t know. Probably not. But I’m just so worried that I’ll mess it up. That I’ll mess all of this up.”

I walk back over to the bed. “You know Harrison loves you for you, right? He’s marrying you because you’re amazing, not because you’re perfect. It’s okay if everything doesn’t run exactly as planned.”

She pinches her lips to the side, the love for him brimming from her eyes. “I know he does. He’s just … he’s wonderful, Tia. But his family’s more than just him. I don’t just want his love. I want to fit here, you know? I’ve never fit anywhere before.”

She has the Fischers, but she’s always felt separate from them. They’ve adopted three of their foster kids, but the other two were adopted as toddlers, growing up with Maria and Gary and—unintentionally—making Addy feel like a last-minute add-on. If they’d adopted her the first time we were placed with them, she wouldn’t have this issue. I created this feeling of otherness for her.

Addy props herself up on her elbows, her tanned olive skin on display. “Anyway, how did you spend the past two hours?”

I’m hit with a wave of guilt. “Oh, you know, rage hiking around the property and talking to Vaughn.” And fucking your future brother-in-law.

“I really am sorry,” Addy says, her face pinching, and I feel even guiltier for keeping this secret from her.

“I know.”

“I just kind of freaked out. Please don’t be mad, but—Tia, I can’t wear that necklace.”

I can understand where she’s coming from, and it shouldn’t matter. What is it but a scrap of metal and a semiprecious stone? But it still hurts. Addy must see the way the words twist in my gut, because she jumps in.

“I love you, and you’re one of the most important people in my life. But this is my wedding, and everything with our birth mother is wrapped up with a lot of pain and anger and complicated emotions, and I don’t want to be thinking about that on such a big day.”

I drop onto the bed next to her, wrapping my fingers around hers as we both stare up at the ceiling. “You’re right. I’m sorry I pushed.”

She faces me. “You aren’t our mother. I’m sorry I made it seem like I was looping you two together when you’ve always put me first. I trust you. You’re nothing like her. You’d never make selfish decisions like she did.”

I don’t point out that Mom wasn’t selfish, she was sick. Even though I want to. Addy’s relationship with our mother is her own, and I can’t force her to feel the way I do.

And I refuse to give in to the guilt from her comment, in to the fear that the choice I made with Owen is selfish. It would be selfish if we came clean now, causing drama and issues with Diana just so I could touch him whenever I wanted, but we’re waiting. And Owen is right, I deserve happiness, too.

“Join us for dinner tonight?” Addy asks, breaking me out of my reflection.

I smile, genuinely, because those fears of her not wanting me to be a part of the family were clearly unfounded. “Yeah, sounds great.”

When Addy and I make it downstairs, Diana, Harrison, and Owen are already at the table. Harrison jogs over the second he spots Addy, his smile stretched across his face as he loops his arms around her waist and spins her. Addy’s delighted squeal fills the space around us, and I can’t stop my answering smile.