Page 31 of The Best I Never Had

He meets my eyes and gives a little shrug, tilting his head back toward the clearing in invitation.

I don’t want to sit with him. I can barely even look at him, not in this beautiful place full of love that he doesn’t appreciate. But I don’t have an excuse, and Cece is already a dozen feet away from us.

As she’s about to turn back between the rows, she calls out, “Oh, and Owen, do come see me when you get back. I’d love to hear why you’ve been lying to us all for years.”

Owen’s mouth drops open in shock, and I can’t help but feel a surge of satisfaction. He’s still gaping like a fish when Cece disappears from view.

Chapter 10

OWEN

Crap. That’s not good. I’m still watching where Nana disappeared, her words echoing in my head. How does she know?

There’s only one explanation, and it’s standing right next to me with her hands planted on her hips and her eyes looking out at the view.

“Did you tell her?” I ask, my tone more accusatory than I intended, but I’m pissed. We agreed not to tell anyone. It’s been less than forty-eight hours. Nana can be tough, but still. And without so much as a Hey, Owen, heads-up …

Her cheeks flush, and I take it as confirmation until she opens her mouth. “Did I tell her? No, Owen, I didn’t fucking tell her.”

The tension releases from my muscles, but the relief only lasts for a few seconds before I’m hit with shame. Of course she didn’t tell her. Thea wouldn’t do that, to me or to Addy.

“I’m sorry,” I say, stepping toward her and placing my hand on her arm.

She rips it away from me. “You’re not forgiven. It’s a douchey thing to jump straight to me ruining this when I’ve done nothing wrong. She said she could tell. And of course she could, because they know you.”

She paces away from me, and I follow. “Okay, I’m sorry. I didn’t think they’d be paying that much attention. Is that what you’re mad about?”

“I’m mad that I’m in this situation at all. I’m mad that your mom has moods that could ruin the wedding, so I’m under pressure to keep it quiet for Addy. I’m mad that everyone’s watching us and wants something to happen, all while Addy wants me to stay far away from you, and I’m stuck in the middle lying to a group of people who have been nothing but kind and welcoming to me. And I’m really fucking mad that you made up this lie to begin with. They love you so much.”

“I know they love me,” I say, getting worked up, too. “You think I don’t know they love me?”

“I don’t fucking know. All I know is that your family is incredible. Do you know what I would have done to be a part of a family like this growing up? And you don’t appreciate it at all.”

“Yes, I do.”

“No, you don’t,” she yells, “or you never would have lied to begin with.”

“You don’t get it,” I say, unsure how to explain it.

“Oh, of course I don’t. I’d never understand how hard it is to have people love me. A grandmother who knows me well enough to judge my feelings from just a look. A mother who wants me to find happiness. How difficult your life must be.”

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Then how did you mean it? Make this make sense, Owen,” she yells.

“I’ve given her everything!” I yell back, and Thea’s pacing falters. She turns toward me, confusion written on her face, and it makes my voice drop lower. “My entire life has been chosen for me. I’ve had no freedom to pick for myself, and I won’t let her pick my future partner, too.”

I can’t watch any more of the disgust on Thea’s face. I plop down on the grass with the grace of a newborn horse, looking out over the view, and before I know it, I’m pouring everything out to her.

“My dad was sick my whole life. He wanted me to take over his business one day—it was his dying wish—and after he passed, that became the expectation. I think she had to keep part of him alive or her grief was going to take her with him. And so I gave her what she needed. I worked on job sites after school instead of trying out for the baseball team because he believed it was important for me to understand the labor side of the company. I went to college nearby so I could help with Harrison and keep working at Hayes, just like Mom wanted me to. I took over the mantle of president a year out of college for a company I don’t love, all because they wanted me to.”

I finally glance up at Thea, and she’s looking at me like a goddess who has paused in the middle of administering her vengeful punishment to reconsider.

“I know how lucky I am,” I continue, turning back to the view. If she decides I’m beyond redemption, I don’t want to see it. “The business is solid and gives me the money I need to live comfortably. It’s selfish to be mad. It’s selfish not to accept it when I don’t even know what I’d do if I had that freedom. I don’t have some fantasy I’ve been cut off from. But I have always envied the opportunity to dream. My whole life, I’ve just felt … trapped.”

Thea slowly lowers herself beside me, and even though I don’t look at her, the warmth of her body’s only an inch away, soothing like sunlight on a cool day. Something loosens inside me, either at saying those words or her closeness. When I look at her, she isn’t looking back, instead she’s studying one of the nearby trees.

“I understand feeling trapped,” she says quietly, and my body shifts closer to hers. “I told you my parents passed away, but I didn’t tell you all of it. I don’t … I don’t talk about it, but my dad’s never been in the picture, and our mom died from an overdose when we were little. We bounced from foster home to foster home until I aged out. I mean, clearly there’s a way out for some—look at Addy—but I could never see it for me.”