Page 8 of Ship Happens

“Uh-huh . . .” Kaitlyn hums, eyeing the plethora of desserts that Owen has decorated the countertops with. “Are you sure this isn’t a bit excessive? I just wanted some cookies.”

He shrugs, positioning the bowl of batter under the KitchenAid. “I enjoy baking.”

“Owen . . .” Her voice is a bit softer this time. “I know we already talked about Jacob coming back—just remember there’s no reason to overdo it.”

“I’m not,” he swears to her, telling himself that what he’s feeling isn’t his arthritis flaring up, even if he knows it probably is.

“You’re sure?” Kaitlyn asks gently in a way that makes Owen feel so uncomfortable. He gets why she cares, why she’s concerned. But sometimes the concern gets under his skin, like his friends think he’s made of glass and he could break at any moment.

Owen sighs, turning the mixer on low, barely sparing Kaitlyn a glance before he faces forward again, his eyes focusing on the batter in the bowl. “I don’t suppose I have that much of a choice.”

“You’ve always got a choice. I know that things didn’t end well between the two of you—”

Owen can’t help the scoff that slips out, even rolling his eyes at her. “That’s one way of putting it.”

“I can un-invite him?” she tries to offer.

“Kait, stop.” Owen shakes his head, guilt settling deep in his gut. “I’m sorry. You’re not telling him he can’t come tonight.”

She looks at him, her expression still so unsure.

“I’ll survive, okay? I’m a big boy!” Owen forces a smile.

Kaitlyn grimaces. “Ew! Don’t ever call yourself that ever again, please.”

“What? I am a big strong boy!” Owen accentuates each word, flexing pitifully, his stick-thin arms hidden by the long sleeves of the Christmas sweater. “Got the top surgery scars to prove it.” Owen yoinks up the hem of his sweater and the shirt underneath, pulling both up to expose his inked torso to Kaitlyn, who snorts as she backs away from him.

“Gross! Stop! I don’t need to see your nipples!”

“Oh, so the transgender body is gross to you?” Owen teases. “What happened to all that allyship?”

“It’s conditional!” Kaitlyn shouts, pulling away from Owen, hovering in the doorframe, the both of them still giggling.

He’s so glad that he didn’t lose her in the breakup. It’d been hard enough to feel Jacob slipping away so slowly.

That night, after everything was said and done, the first place Owen had gone was this very apartment. Through tears he’d told her what happened, letting her rake her fingers through his hair as she listened intently. Abigail left the apartment for a bit, giving them the space to talk, only to return with bags full of Vietnamese takeout. Halfway through dinner, Owen saw from the corner of his eye Kaitlyn getting a call from Jacob. She lied; said she was going to the bathroom, the trip lasting an hour.

Kaitlyn steps forward, reaching up, to rest a reassuring hand on his shoulder, then she stops herself, as if remembering that Owen might not want to be touched right now.

Her instinct is correct.

“Let me know if you need some time, okay? Don’t suffer through dinner just because you want to put on a brave face.”

Owen makes a big show of rolling his eyes. “When have you ever known me to sit through something I didn’t want to?”

“You sat through sixty hours of Downton Abbey with me, Hailey, and Ravi,” Kaitlyn reminds him. “And the movies.”

“I wasn’t watching that,” he protests. He’d just always happened to show up at their apartment right as they were about to start a new episode.

“You’re such a bad liar,” Kaitlyn says dramatically as she steps out of the kitchen. “I gotta finish getting ready!”

“You know where to find me,” Owen tells her, squatting down to check the oven again, heat radiating from behind the glass as he watches the top of the brownies begin to harden. “Fuck . . .” he whispers to himself, standing up straight and digging his wrists into his eyes in frustration.

Why is he letting Jacob get to him like this? It’s not like Owen did anything wrong. Jacob’s the one who took that job at Duke, who promised Owen that it’d be temporary, six months at the most. He’s the one who said yes when his professors offered him the lead position on the migration research trip. He was the one who left.

It’s Jacob’s fault. Not Owen’s.

He deserves to have a good Christmas with his family. So what if Jacob is here? Why does that have to matter? Their relationship is over, it’s done. Jacob has probably moved on by now anyway. Might already have a new boyfriend. And how pathetic would it be for Owen to make it so obvious that he’s still hung up on his ex?