Page 40 of Ship Happens

“That’s nothing,” he jokes. “Wait until you see what I’ve got in store for hippos.”

She gives him a curious look.

Owen supposes that if anyone could sympathize with his feelings, it’d be Kaitlyn. She’s been there for the worst of Owen’s episodes, both the arthritic and the depressive.

Kaitlyn nudges him again. “Come on. What’s going on in that big head of yours?”

“Were you scared?” he asks, pausing when he realizes that he’s not sure what he’s asking Kaitlyn about specifically. “When you started the IVF treatments.”

“Yeah, dude,” Kaitlyn says without an ounce of hesitation. “I was scared shitless.”

“Really?” Owen doesn’t know why that information surprises him. He supposes, in his mind, that Kaitlyn has always been the stronger of the two Morrison siblings. Where Jacob is always so spontaneous and impulsive, Kaitlyn has kept her life structured, sticking to a plan she’d made for herself as a teenager, working jobs that wore her down to the bone just to put herself through school. Her getting pregnant could only be the result of years of planning, mostly on her part.

“You and Abby hid everything so well,” he tells her. “I had no idea.”

“Seriously?” Kaitlyn exclaims with boisterous laughter. “Oh my God, that’s such a relief, I thought I gave it away like a billion times.”

“I mean, we both know I’m not the most observant,” Owen says. Otherwise, he might’ve seen the breakup coming before he did. Then again, maybe he just hadn’t wanted to admit things to himself.

“Why are you asking me?”

“I don’t know.” Owen shrugs. “You and Abby, you’re taking this huge leap, you’re going to be moms. And school is killing Kevin, but he’s working on a doctorate, something that’s going to matter. And Ravi and Hailey are so busy being parents. And Jacob . . . he’s . . . Sometimes it feels like I’m getting left behind is all.” Owen swallows, waiting for the relief to flood through him. And he does feel something, though he’s not quite sure what.

“Owen . . .” He hates the pity in her voice.

“It’s silly.” He remembers back to just a few years ago, when he’d first come to the realization that he had stability, that he had a family again. People who wanted to spend time with him for the sake of it, who cared for him and were cared for by him. Now, Kevin and Jacob don’t even live in the city anymore, and Owen’s lucky if he sees Hailey or Ravi more than once every few weeks. And in a few short months, it’ll be the same with Kaitlyn and Abigail.

“I think I’ve just been feeling a lot of things lately,” he says, the emotions overwhelming in a way that makes Owen want to crawl out of his skin. “And I’m not sure what to do with all of them.”

Kaitlyn doesn’t say anything, not right away, not until they’re exiting through the giant entrance of the arcade, out onto the open deck where the stuffy heat and loud blinking lights are replaced with softer jazz music playing from a live band nearby, and cooler, far more breathable air. It helps almost immediately. “What do you think has you feeling this way?” she asks as they approach the railing.

Owen can’t help but peer over the side, wondering what it’d be like to topple right over. “I’ve been talking with Ravi more,” he starts to explain.

Kaitlyn sputters. “Well, there’s your first problem!” She says the words with a smile in an attempt to ease some of the tension. But one look at Owen’s expression tells her that her plan didn’t work. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” he tells her. “Prices in the city keep going up. He thinks we’ll have to ask the bank for more money.”

“Do you think you’re going to?”

“It’s either that or—” Owen lets out a tired sigh. “I delay things by another year or two, save up what I can, hope there’s some huge economic crisis that’ll crash the market and put a bunch of people out of work, all so I can open up a tattoo shop.”

He pauses, staring out at the endless black water.

“Or I just give up on the shop. Put the dream away for a while, maybe forever. Keep the money I’ve saved.”

“Would you do that?” Kaitlyn asks. “I guess it’d give you more time to look. Do you think with more free time you might pick things up where you left them off?”

“With who?” he asks, knowing her answer before she says it.

“Jacob,” Kaitlyn says plainly. “I mean, you’d have a lot more time to—”

“Stop, Kait. This isn’t about Jacob. Please don’t bring him up right now,” Owen pleads.

“You’re right,” she tells him, bracing against the railing. “You’re right, I’m sorry.”

“I still want the shop, it’s just . . . I’m wondering if it’s worth it.” If wanting is enough.

“Well, there are other options. Don’t just give up at the first hurdle.”