Page 33 of The Build-a-Boyfriend Project

“Yeah, I never really gave it much thought until recently.”

“It feels like your peers have passed you by, huh?”

“Yeah. I guess so. Growing up, I never got the chance to date. There was . . .” His words trail off. “There was one other gay person in my school, but he wasn’t out. We just happened to know each other. I wasn’t kidding when I said you were my first date. I tried to get on apps when I moved out here, but everything was so scary and everyone just wanted sex right away. Or drugs. Then there’s the people with ‘No Asians’ in their bio, and that made me feel . . .” The words slip away from Peter, his last thoughts left unsaid.

Eli wants to say something, but he isn’t sure just what he can say in this moment. He knows that feeling. Not the exact one, obviously. Eli’s white, regardless of his gender identity. He has and always will benefit from a system like the one that shuts Peter out before he even reaches the door. Peter’s identities as a gay Korean man intersect in ways that Eli will never truly understand, let alone him growing up in an area of the world that he assumes would hate every part of Peter that he can’t change.

But Eli can at least listen. And it is a familiar feeling, to be shunned for something you can’t change, a core part of your being. It’s all too easy to recall the men who rejected him once they saw Eli’s private photos, and when he dared to put “trans man” in his bio to keep it from ever getting that far, strangers seemed to take that as an open invitation to give Eli their opinion on his body.

“It’s been weird and new and I thought it’d get easier after being here for years. I’ve read articles and books, watched YouTube videos on making friends, being gay, how to find a place. But it was too much.”

“That right there!” Eli exclaims. “That’s what I want to write about. How so many queer people grow up without those experiences that most would consider essential.”

“And you think people will read that?”

“I hope so.” Not that it’ll matter if Michael fires Eli the moment he figures out what’s going on. But if he can work with Peter, make this the best essay he’s written, then maybe, just maybe, Michael will give him a shot.

Eli just has to keep him happy while he waits.

“And, in exchange for helping me,” Eli begins to say. He can’t believe he’s going to offer this. But he has to admit that Rose’s idea—and, okay, Michael’s too—wasn’t a bad one. “I’d like to teach you how to date.”

He has to have something to base the fake article on.

“You want to teach me how to date?” Peter stares with an unsure look.

“Yeah, we’d go on these dates where I’d coach you. Teach you to be a better, more attentive date.” Eli spills the words in a single breath, knowing just how ludicrous it sounds; he has to get the idea out before Peter decides to walk away.

Peter’s gaze darts to the table, then out the window of the café.

God, how could he ever think this was a good idea? Of course Peter wouldn’t agree to this—who would? The last time he and Peter had a real conversation, Eli was telling Peter off and storming away with semi-dry pants and soup-covered shoes. In what world would Peter ever want to pretend to date another person just to—

“I’ll do it.”

It takes Eli a moment to truly register Peter’s reply.

“You will?

“It doesn’t sound stupid. I mean, it does. But . . . listen . . . you’re not the first person I’ve talked to since moving here.” Peter sighs, his shoulders seemingly lighter, like he’s been waiting for the moment when he can finally talk to someone about how he’s been feeling. “I’ve been trying my best, but clearly it isn’t enough. I’ll accept any help I can get.”

“That sounds pretty desperate, Peter.” Eli doesn’t mean it as an insult, just a simple and plain fact.

“Yeah, I guess you could say I am.” Peter smiles awkwardly, his eyes catching his own hands where he’s been playing with them nervously. “I don’t know how all of this works. Obviously. And I need the experience, but I can’t get it because my stupid brain can’t get past the part where I have to meet someone new, where I have to like . . . form a connection or something. If you’re offering to teach me, help me learn, then I want to do it.”

“Well, Peter . . . that’s great to hear!”

“So . . . how do we do this?”

“Well, I . . .” Eli has to admit, Peter’s got him there. The idea is so new, fresh, he hasn’t really had time to consider the details. “I think it’ll be easiest to go on these fake dates and get to know one another. And through getting to know more about you and how you grew up, I’ll be able to shape my article.”

Peter takes a heavy breath, still recovering. “That’s going to be weird.”

“It is, but I think it’ll be good for you,” Eli tells him. “Now, I think we should lay some ground rules, before we really make a plan here.”

“Like?”

“Nothing can be personal.”

Peter stares at him, confused. “In what way?”