Page 27 of The Build-a-Boyfriend Project

Though when he gives it even another second of thought, the blend of being gay, Korean, and growing up in a small Georgia town is a combination of explosive proportions.

Patricia continues, though. “People have different lives, different experiences. I didn’t start dating until college. Neither did Rose. Neither did you.”

“That’s normal,” Eli says, digging his hole even deeper. “He can’t be any younger than me, and you don’t go on your first date when you’re nearing thirty.”

Patricia shoots him a firm glare. “Okay, now I think you’re being unfair.”

“Even if it was . . .” Eli swallows, trying to assuage that bitter taste on his tongue from putting his foot in his mouth. “He skipped out on basic human decency. Not a single text to tell me he was late. Taking work calls instead of focusing on me?”

Though he realizes what that sounds like out loud, Eli knows he isn’t in the wrong. When you go on a date, you expect a certain level of attention to be dedicated to you. And in return, you give your attention to the other person.

“It’s Dating 101,” he says.

“No, no . . .” Patricia tells him, focusing on the TV. “You’re right. I’m just saying a little sympathy might go a long way. You don’t know Peter’s story.”

“Because getting any personal information out of him was like wrestling an alligator.”

“An alligator?” Patricia asks. “How would you know what that’s like?”

“Well, you know . . . whatever,” Eli stammers.

“You know,” Rose starts to say, picking a loose thread from Eli’s pants, “there should be a Dating 101.”

Eli glances toward her, trying to focus his attention back on their show. “What do you mean?”

“I mean for people who like haven’t gotten the chance to date, or don’t know how to, or are scared. You should like . . . I don’t know, be able to hire someone to teach you how to date, be a good partner.”

“That’s just the movie Hitch,” Eli says.

“Is it? Damn . . . I thought that was original.”

“She’s All That too, kind of?” Patricia’s eyes go wide as she turns back to Eli. “You could She’s All That Peter!”

“That could be fun!” Rose tells him. “Teach him how to communicate, how to stop focusing on work, loosen up, and be less of a nervous wreck.”

“You’re both joking, right?” Eli groans. “Also, that’s not the plot of She’s All That.”

“I said ‘kind of,’” Patricia continues. “You can’t say that doesn’t sound like fun.”

“Yeah, let me just spend the next month teaching a grown-ass man how to date. That seems like a great way to spend my time.”

“You never know. Maybe under that hard, anxious exterior sits the man of your dreams.”

“The exterior is not the problem,” Eli promises her. “Trust me.”

Peter will join the roster of men, both real and fictional, whom Eli likes to conjure up while he masturbates. And that’s where he’ll remain.

“You have to admit, it’d be pretty fun. Like a boyfriend rehabilitation kind of thing.” Patricia nudges him.

“Yeah, no,” Eli promises to both himself and the girls. “I relinquish all responsibility for this man.”

He can’t be expected to babysit a grown man, to teach him the basics of social etiquette, how to talk to someone you go on a date with. It’s not his job.

“Peter is not my problem.”

Chapter Four

When Harry Met Sally . . . , dir. by Rob Reiner