Page 159 of The Build-a-Boyfriend Project

“Well, I, uh . . .” There’s a bit of microphone feedback and Peter pulls the microphone away, whispering apologies to the audience, but all with a smile on his face. Peter’s charming enough that no one minds at all.

“I, uh . . . I don’t really know how to answer that, because I never really had expectations. I mean, yes, I wanted people to read it. And I think a lot of us . . . we dream of that overnight success. Hitting the New York Times list, or having a movie adaptation announced. And those are nice, but I guess I knew as a gay Korean man writing romance, it’d be an uphill battle, you know? Frankly, I’m just glad that people are here, that there’s been so much excitement online, from booksellers, librarians, and readers who’ve been waiting for release day.”

Good answer, Eli thinks. Simple enough.

And Peter keeps that momentum through the rest of his conversation with Amber; he talks about how frustrating the editing process was but how his team trusted him to tell this story. All very standard stuff, the questions rehearsed for days as Peter tried to hype himself up.

“So, my next question”—Amber’s eyes meet Eli’s from across the room before she goes back to the cheat sheet she’d prepared for herself—“is one that I love to listen to my writer friends talk for hours about, so I’m hoping you’ve got a good answer for me.”

“Depends on how good the question is,” Peter teases, and Amber and the audience both chuckle.

“I want to hear about inspiration. Because—and if everyone will follow me, we need a little group participation—open your books to the dedication page.” Amber picks up the copy of Peter’s book that sits on the table between them. The cover is clearly for a romance, an illustration of two men, back-to-back, their arms folded, looking over their shoulders as they give the other a “Can you believe this guy?” expression. Peter laughed when he got the cover sketches in his email, then his eyes got wet and he started to cry, and Eli cried along with him.

“You’ve dedicated this book to ‘the man who taught me to appreciate iced Americanos.’ I was curious about that very mysterious expression; do you want to maybe elaborate on this mysterious man who inspired you?”

Peter gives her an awkward laugh, smiling as his eyes struggle to not meet Eli’s.

He licks his lips slowly.

“Years after college, I found myself really isolated, unfamiliar with the city, scared to reach out and attempt to form connections. I worked from home, so I wasn’t meeting people. There wasn’t really a support system where I felt like I belonged; I was an actual adult for the first time, and I’d never been more alone.

“A coworker, Francine, who is here tonight, was the one person I felt like I had in my corner. And it wasn’t anyone’s fault, my other coworkers are here, and they’re all great, and they’ve supported me in so many ways. But I was doing it to myself. And I didn’t know how to fix it. Francine pushed me into a blind date. And to say that date was a disaster . . . it’s an understatement.”

A few more scattered laughs.

“No, I’m serious. I was late, stumbling over myself, I didn’t know how to talk, I spilled food on him. I was a nervous wreck. It was a nightmare. I tried apologizing, and it just made things worse. But despite all of that, and despite a few . . . odd circumstances, I got closer to another person. I was able to let my guard down, to let this person in as they guided me through the experience that I felt desperate for. And maybe it was wrong, to be that desperate for these things to happen, maybe I should’ve let them happen naturally, but . . . I don’t think it’s a crime to want things.

“Letting this person in, it was one of the scariest things I’ve ever done. But I haven’t regretted doing it. Maybe there was a rough patch in there, and it took us a lot of time to fix it.” Peter’s eyes finally meet Eli’s.

And Eli can’t stop smiling at the man he loves.

“But having this person in my life is worth whatever trials we’ve gone through. And that’s what I wanted to explore in this book. The things we go through for the ones we love.”

“That was really sweet.” Amber gives Peter a warm smile.

For the rest of the night, there are moments when Peter’s eyes meet Eli’s from across the store as he tries to answer the questions that Amber throws his way. His gaze has to break, of course; he has to give his attention to the other people in the crowd.

But never once, throughout the entire conversation, do Eli’s eyes ever leave Peter.

* * *

“Do you need a sticky note?” the bookstore employee asks Eli.

“Yes, please. Thank you.” Eli could’ve joked around, played the he-knows-me card, but decides against potentially embarrassing Peter. Patricia and Rose take one each as well.

“How many copies is this one?” Patricia asks, staring at the newly purchased book in Eli’s hands.

“Just seven. Including the advance copy he gave me.”

“The one you wouldn’t let me read?” Rose grumbles.

“That one was just for me, you got your own!”

“Look at him, he gets one book dedicated to him and suddenly he’s the most important person in the world.” Patricia rolls her eyes.

Eli laughs. “And don’t you forget it.”

“Next up!” the employee calls for Eli, and Peter beams at him.