Page 83 of Love Out Loud

Chapter 29

Lark

Somewhere over Colorado, smashed in the middle seat between a heavy breather and a kid who can’t be older than fourteen who looks nervous as hell, I remember Davey McMan, who somehow landed the role of Puck in Midsummer his freshman year. He was also nervous all the time during that show, but he was short and sprightly. When we slathered him in green face paint and an artfully torn sack of a costume, he somehow looked exactly right.

A ghost of a smile dances on my lips at the memory of Davey as Puck with a voice newly hit by puberty proclaiming to whoever played a blue-horned Oberon, “Lord, what fools these mortals be!”

Mr. Jensen, the director, paused rehearsal once after Davey exclaimed the line a little too artificially. I was waiting in the wings for my entrance when he said, “Do you know what that line means, Davey?”

“No, sir,” Davey had responded with an exuberant innocence only a freshman could have. The rest of us would have made something up to try to impress Mr. Jensen, but Davey didn’t know enough to pretend.

“The lovers onstage, they’re pretty serious about this whole thing, right?” Mr. Jensen asked. Davey nodded, and Mr. Jensen continued. “And Puck is the one who caused this mess in the first place. Yet he still blames the mortals for all of it. It’s their foolishness that has prompted this whole plot, according to him. But it’s Shakespeare’s way of saying that love turns mortals into fools.”

I wish I had known at the time that Mr. Jensen was not only giving us an acting lesson but a life lesson. Love does, indeed, turn mortals into fools. Maybe Lennon was right in a way. Maybe my love for Devin has made me foolish enough to book a flight without knowing more about what was going on. But I’ve never been so glad that I trusted my instincts as I was when Richard himself called me as I was waiting at the gate and told me Devin has appendicitis and they were taking her back for emergency surgery.

I suppose I was a fool for ever loving Richard, too. We were always so different, even from the start. But I won’t pretend I didn’t love him. I know Lennon would prefer I didn’t—he’s said as much over the years—but I did.

My jaw clenches against the inclination to admit that I was a fool to fall for Lennon. I shake my head to myself to fend off more of those thoughts. Loving Lennon is a given. As simple and necessary as breathing. Falling in love with Lennon was inevitable. Being in love with Lennon is a privilege.

I am in love with Lennon. I doubt I’ll ever love anyone as deeply and broadly as I do him. If that makes me a fool, so be it. I’d rather be a fool who has had a great love even for a short time than someone who’s kept their wits and never really loved at all.

The teenager next to me purses his lips and breathes out slowly. A quick glance tells me his knuckles are white and his foot is bouncing up and down erratically. I bend over to retrieve my bag from under my seat and pull out some gum. I take some for myself, then tip the pack to him.

“Need some?” I ask.

He smiles weakly up at me, takes a piece, then returns to staring out the window. I wish I could offer him something more, but gum and a reassuring smile are about all I can muster up. He’ll be okay. Hopefully we all will.

***

When we land, it’s about two-fifteen in New York, even though my stomach is suggesting it’s closer to lunchtime. Devin was going into surgery when I boarded the plane, so she’s probably out by now. As soon as I can, I power up my phone and check my messages. There are three from Richard, but nothing else. My heart falls, but I don’t know what I expected. Only that it’s weird not to have any reassurances from Lennon. He has always gone through the hard stuff with me.

I guess I’ll just have to do this one alone.

Gritting my teeth, I tap on Richard’s messages.

Richard: She’s going back for surgery now. The surgeon says it should be over in an hour. Will update.

Richard: I’m in the recovery room with her. She’s not awake yet, but everything went fine.

Richard: She’s pretty groggy, but she seems okay. They’re moving us to room 405. See you soon.

He attached a picture of a sleepy Devin flashing a goofy smile and a thumbs-up to the last one. If I were alone, I’d burst into relieved tears, but I don’t have time for that. Getting to the hospital as quickly as possible is my top priority.

I check the time stamp on the last message to see it was sent at almost noon. She’s probably been moved into her room by now, so I quickly get my suitcase from baggage claim and jump into one of the cabs waiting outside the airport.

It doesn’t take me very long to find Devin’s room when I get to the hospital. When I get to the wing where she is, one of the nurses stops me and asks who I’m here to see and if I’m family. She checks my ID and waves me through.

The scene that greets me when I arrive is one of the sweetest I’ve seen in a while. Devin is lying in her hospital bed playing a card game with Richard and Rachel’s five-year-old son, RJ. He’s giggling and smacking cards, and she’s rolling her eyes and pretending she didn’t just let him win. Richard and Rachel are sitting on a small couch underneath the one window in the room, smiling at the two of them.

I have flown with Devin out here and come back to get her, but she and Richard and I have only ever had lunch before I’ve left them to have their time, usually flying back home to teach during the summer term. I know Rachel, of course, but in the more recent years since Devin has been in high school, I have come out here less and less, opting instead to stay home and tutor or teach and save up as much as I can to cover some of her college tuition. I haven’t ever seen the four of them interact like this. It equally warms my heart and throws me off.

They look like a family. Devin’s easy rapport with RJ is obvious. Richard’s adoration of both of them is painted right there on his face. And Rachel leaning on his arm, correcting RJ’s behavior when he gets a little too rowdy completes the picture.

I’m on the verge of feeling like a true outsider here when Devin glances up from the card game and breaks into a huge grin. “Mom!” she exclaims. “You came!”

“I told her as she was heading back into surgery.” Richard stands and hugs me. “She must not have remembered.”

“Oh yeah.” Devin squints like she’s recalling it. “You did say something about her.” She shrugs at me. “It’s been a long day.”