Page 74 of Love Out Loud

“I remember I couldn’t wait to be free of my parents, too. That’s how I ended up in LA, thinking I could be a screenwriter.” Jessica sighs wistfully. “Such a fun age. All that reckless abandon and trying new things on your way to your true potential.”

I laugh lightly. “Funny—I feel like you just described me this summer. Maybe she and I can do it together.”

Jessica tilts so far forward, I’m afraid her chair is going to tip right out from under her. “Yes! That’s why I love your narration on this book, I think. It’s full of new energy and bold determination. It’s like you really feel Gia’s character, you know?”

I wouldn’t peg Gia as a woman on a journey of self-discovery, but I smile and nod anyway. Keep Jessica happy has been the mantra of the entire project, so I’m not about to present her with an alternate interpretation. “It has been a challenging role, so I’m glad you’re satisfied with what you’ve heard so far.”

“I am.” She reaches over to cover my hand with hers. “Which is why you simply have to come on board for the next book. Silas has already signed on—right, Si?”

Silas nods and winks at her. “I’m yours for as long as you need me.”

Jessica shoots what I imagine is her best puppy-dog look at me, though she looks more constipated than pleading. I stifle a laugh with my hand that isn’t currently trapped by hers.

“Please?” she pouts. “It would be so cool to keep my narrators consistent, and I just love you so much, Lark.”

There’s probably no harm in signing on to this project, even if I haven’t decided where I’ll be recording. “Well, how can I say no to that?” I say.

Jessica gasps and covers her red lips with both her hands. “Oh my god. Really?” she squeals. “Ah! I’m so excited!”

My phone dings again, and I pick it up while Jessica gushes some more.

Devin: My dorm will be cool, but I already can’t wait to be home for winter break. I miss you.

I read and reread that message before it fully sinks in. Home. Michigan. Our townhouse. Her safe space.

I’ve been so selfish. Lennon and I haven’t figured everything out, but I have more than entertained the idea of staying. And yet not once have I really thought about what moving to LA would do to Devin. She’s already left the nest, which has been scary and new for her; how is she going to feel if there’s no nest to come back to? No comfortable place for her to call home?

There’s no question about it. I would lay down my life for my daughter. I have gone without so she can have everything, and I’d do it again and again. But I can’t escape the pang of regret that shoots through my entire body at the realization that I can’t stay here. Even if Devin only comes home on breaks, she has to have a home to come back to. She deserves that place to be somewhere she feels comfortable.

That pang turns to a physical ache when I remember what Lennon said to me the other morning. He won’t be happy in Michigan. He’d move there for me, but he doesn’t want to. I rub at my chest as if that could make the pain go away.

“Lennon will be so happy,” Jessica is saying suggestively when I force myself to tune back into the conversation. At my confused look, she explains, “That you’re staying here, I mean.”

“I…oh. Well, I hadn’t thought—”

“You two are finally an item, right?” she presses. “Noah said he saw you two kissing outside the studio.”

He had seen us. Probably multiple times. We haven’t exactly been hiding our goodbye kisses when he drops me off or our coy smiles when he picks me up. No one has said anything, but I’d be a fool to think they haven’t noticed.

“I guess, yeah. We just haven’t really talked about logistics yet,” I say, stumbling over the words.

Silas looks between the two of us, and he must pick up on my distress, because he comes to my aide. “This is really none of your business, Jess,” he warns quietly.

“I think we can take the good news that Lark is on board as a win today and come back to finish recording tomorrow.” Noah starts to stand, clearly trying to help me end this conversation.

“Sorry,” Jessica sings, completely unaffected as she stands and starts to gather the garbage from her lunch. “I was just excited to hear it. That man is a hard one to nail down, if you know what I mean. It’d be a shame if someone finally got him to commit only to turn around and leave.”

Maybe I’m reading into it, but she says it like he has something fundamentally wrong with him. Like he’s a loose cannon or someone people need to tie down. And despite the turmoil of all the possible decisions floating in the ether, protectiveness surges up and cuts through them. “He hasn’t always had it easy, you know.”

Jessica tilts her head and looks down at me. “What do you mean?”

“It’s not really my story to tell, but he keeps a lot of people at arm’s length. Especially ones he’s not sure he can trust.” The implication hangs in the air between us. I’ve probably just thrown keep Jessica happy right out the window, but I don’t care. Our relationship is not her business, no matter who she is. No one suggests my best friend is anything less than amazing.

Jessica slinks back into her chair and covers her hand with mine again. “I’m sorry, Lark. I didn’t mean anything by that. Lennon is such a great man, but you’re right. I don’t know him, or you, very well.” She laughs, but there’s no humor in it. “I’m a romance writer. I exist in boy-meets-girl, boy-kisses-girl, boy-and-girl-live-happily-ever-after. Sometimes I forget it’s more complicated than that.”

Her eyes widen, and her perfectly groomed eyebrows pinch upward slightly as she squeezes my hand. She’s being genuine, and I probably overreacted as a result of all of these choices weighing down on me at once.

I dig deep for a sense of lightheartedness, for a joke that might clear the air. “Don’t forget boy-fucks-girl.” I smile weakly. Everyone barks out surprised laughter, which snaps the tension between us.