Page 14 of Not a Strong Enough Word

“Just a few developmental notes at this point. Some suggestions about moving some scenes and a few to add for clarity. Nothing huge, but I thought you might want to get started.”

“You printed it out?” I ask.

“I always work in print for the first round,” he responds.

“Only for the books you really like,” I counter.

He pins me with those eyes again, and I can hardly breathe. “Yes,” he says simply. Then he adds, “I told you I loved it.”

That’s not what he said, and he knows it, but I’m not going to bring it up if he isn’t.

“I’ll leave you to it, then.” He takes a few steps toward the door. “Wouldn’t want to get between you and your baking show.”

“Hey, Ryan?” I say to his back. “Thanks.”

He stops, then turns slowly around. “For what?”

“For asking what I wanted. No one…” I hug my arms around my torso and pinch the satin fabric between my fingers. “No one did that all those years ago, and I wish someone had. I don’t know if things would have turned out differently, but…maybe.”

The hurt that flashes over his expression is unmistakable. I didn’t mean to hurt him or imply that he should have been the one to ask, though he certainly could have. It would have meant a lot if he had asked before steamrolling ahead with a million-dollar deal that was going to demand more from me than I was already giving when I had nothing left to give. But he wasn’t alone in that, and in his defense, who doesn’t want a million dollars to write books?

“You’re absolutely right,” he says. “I’m sorry for the part I played in what happened.”

The truth is that wasn’t all of it. Maybe it’s Dianne’s suggestion I talk to him about it or the way his kind eyes have been drinking me in like I’m an oasis in the middle of the desert, but the rest is on the tip of my tongue. I almost unload all of it right then and there.

But he says, “I hope you can eventually accept my apology and that we can put the past behind us, where it belongs.”

Of course. Moving on. That’s the ultimate goal, right? To let bygones be bygones. What good would dredging it up do? It would only hurt him, and my goal isn’t to break him like I was broken. I wouldn’t even wish that on the villains of my stories.

“Yes,” I say with forced cheerfulness. “Apology accepted. We’re good, Ryan.”

He looks at me for a little longer, some emotion in his eyes I can’t quite name. Then, with a curt nod, he turns and leaves.

Almost immediately after the door shuts behind him, I look at the portfolio he left on the table. I glance between that and the elimination round of my holiday baking show. Ultimately, I turn the television off and dive into Ryan’s notes.

I give myself over to the words. I always do.

Chapter 8

Scarlett

Seven Years Ago

“All hail Queen Scarlett!” my three best friends exclaim in unison before we all toss back a shot of some kind of cheap liquor. I hiss through my teeth as it burns all the way down and then lingers.

“Pretty sure that took a layer off my esophagus.” I grimace.

Ava slams her shot glass down on the bar and pats me on the back. “We need to toughen you up.” She catches the bartender’s eye. “Another round!”

“No!” I hold my hands out in protest. I’m still barely able to talk over the burning. “I can’t be hungover tomorrow. I have to write.”

“You don’t have to do anything tomorrow, Miss I-Signed-a-Two-Book-Deal,” Katherine says.

“They’re eventually going to need that second book,” I remind them.

“Yeah, eventually. You signed the deal. The check cleared. And only a week after graduation, too. You don’t even have to try to find some shitty coffee-shop job like the rest of us,” Mandy adds. “Take one night to have fun with your friends. We’re celebrating you!”

Mandy, Ava, Katherine, and I graduated from our various graduate programs a few weeks ago and decided to make the move to Chicago to pursue our careers. New York would’ve been closer to the heart of the publishing industry for me, but the great thing about writing is you can really do it from anywhere. Not to mention that Chicago has three things New York doesn’t, and I’m currently watching them all do another round of shots.