Page 65 of Landing Love

Bill dropped his face into his hands. He couldn’t face this. Her mistrust made him ache with regret.

Junior knocked over his cup of blueberries, scattering them all over the floor. With a heavy sigh, Ann got the broom and dustpan and swept them up.

“I want to believe him, Bill. I want to believe you. I’ll do my best to set aside my worries. It doesn’t do me any good to mistrust you. You’re still my husband, and I have to figure out how to make the best life possible with you no matter what. I wish I could simply turn off the warning in my heart like a lamp, but I can’t. You’ve shaken my trust. Rebuilding it will take time.”

Who knew a few tall tales amongst friends and a little lipstick could do so much damage? He told the tales in the first place because he didn’t want to disappoint. But here he was with the most important person in his life, and he couldn’t make her happy. Worse, he’d hurt her and didn’t know if he could win her back. If only this wretched cold would go away so that he could think clearly. He needed a plan, but at that moment, his mind felt like molasses.

“Roger would never have done this to you, would he?” he mumbled before he could stop himself. The last thing he wanted was for her to compare him to her perfect, deceased husband, but he couldn’t stop the wheels from turning in his own head. He was jealous of a dead man. Wonderful.

“No, he wouldn’t. Roger was always honest to a fault, and he never gave me cause to think he strayed.”

He stayed silent, absorbing her words, knowing however much he wanted her to see their marriage as something new and different, rather than making comparisons, he would always be judged against the memory of Roger.

“Did we make a mistake marrying too hastily?” she asked quietly, not meeting his eye.

Her words cut him, flaying his heart open. How could he win her back if she was questioning the entire marriage?

“Ann.” He tipped her chin up with his finger, forcing her to meet his gaze. “I will never regret marrying you, and I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you the happiest wife on earth. Please tell me you don’t regret marrying me.”

“I… I…” She paused, wiping a tear from the corner of her eye. “I don’t want to regret marrying you. But we jumped into this so quickly. I know there was little choice under the circumstances. I just wish we’d had more time to build trust and get to know each other. Roger courted me for six months before we wed. I feel like I hardly know you.”

There it was—the comparison to Roger again. He wanted to crumple in on himself and sink through the floor.

“What do you want to know, Ann? Ask me anything, and I’ll give you my honest answer.”

“What I really want to know is whether you are trustworthy, and that’s not a question you can answer.”

He started coughing and couldn’t stop until Ann handed him a glass of water.

“Where do we go from here?” he asked, his voice barely functioning. “I don’t want you to live in doubt, but I don’t know how to fix this.”

“We make the best of it, and in time, hopefully, trust will come.”

“And love?”

She looked away from him and wrapped her arms around herself, as if trying to hold herself together.

“Maybe someday. I can’t foresee the future.”

Maybe someday. She didn’t sound hopeful, but it was an opening, however small. He would find a way into her heart if it took the rest of his life.

He was so lost, so in love. What could he do except wait? But everything in him yearned for her forgiveness and love. He craved her kindness and affection like air. Her doubts left him gasping and desperate.

“Someday, Ann, you’ll trust me and love me. I’ll find a way to be the husband you deserve.”

Another coughing fit took him. It was a deep, dry cough that felt like it was shredding his insides. He drank down the rest of his water to stop it, even though it burned going down his throat.

Junior started squalling, and Ann hurried to pick him up and soothe him.

“Oh dear. He needs a diaper change.” She put Junior down on the changing table, making quick work of the soiled diaper. Junior cooed at her as she put him down to play on the blanket again. Then she washed her hands.

On her return, she looked down at Bill where he sat, barely holding his head up. “You should go back to bed.” She rested her hand lightly on his shoulder. He put a hand over hers, wanting to prolong this tender contact.

Taking a deep breath, he let her go and made his way back to bed.

“Would you read to me?” he asked as he climbed beneath the covers.

A sad smile graced her lips, and she went to pick up the book. She read aloud to him with his head in her lap, gently stroking his hair, until he dozed off.