Page 80 of Starside

I don’t dare breathe. My imagination. It’s a memory. It’s my head, messing with me, it’s—

“Aris, it’s me.”

I stand. Raker is hunched over, asleep against the wall. His sword is dug into the ground in front of him like a guard.

I know it’s impossible. I know it’s not real. Still, I turn toward the sound. I walk all the way to the mouth of the cave, and then a sob spills from my lips.

Because right there on the forest floor is my sister.

She looks just like she did that last night. Same white sleeping gown. Same ribbons in her hair.

My sister.

She smiles when she sees me. Smiles.

“You look so different,” she says, her face lighting up. “So beautiful, Aris.”

She’s here. I know it’s impossible, but she’s here. And she’s never said those exact words before, so this can’t be a memory. It’s real. It must be.

My arms are trembling. I choke on a sob. “You look the same,” I say, eyes burning. Behind her, the forest is on fire. She shimmers like moonlight.

A specter. She must be a specter, like the ones in the king’s palace.

This is Starside, the land of magic. Somehow, she’s here. She’s been here this whole time, waiting for me.

“I miss you so much,” she says, and the words are claws, curling through me, piercing and hooking. “I’ve seen everything. You’ve been so brave.”

I shake my head, my vision smudged with tears. They bleed into the fabric at my neck.

“It should have been me,” I tell her, sinking to my knees. The words have cycled through my mind for years. I’ve wanted to tell her this, needed to tell her this. “I’m sorry. Please—please forgive me.”

My sister only smiles. “No, it shouldn’t have. You were meant for this. You know that, right?”

I don’t know anything. I don’t know anything but this blinding, all-consuming, swallowing rage I’ve felt since that night.

She frowns, as if she hears something I can’t. “I have to go,” she says.

I get up. Go? Go where? “No,” I say. Not again. “Please, please stay—”

“I can’t,” she says. She turns as if to walk through the flaming forest. To walk through the fire again, like that’s where she lives. Like that’s where she’s been this whole time, trapped in the flames that took her away from me.

I move without thinking. I crawl out of the cave and climb, then leap to the ground, my muscles seizing as I land. But I don’t care. I barely feel it. I turn and run toward her.

I couldn’t save her that night. But I won’t let her burn again. I won’t let them take her from me.

She’s right there, her glimmering nightgown twirling behind her as she walks. Her hair is falling out of its braid. I tied it. It was one of the last things I ever did for her.

I reach out, my fingers uncurling, as if I could rip her from death’s grip. My fingers brush against her sleeve. She turns.

But it’s not my sister. It’s a creature, with blood-crusted fangs and claws like daggers.

I scream.

My sword is in my hand in an instant. I cut the beast down without hesitation, the weight of the metal helping strengthen my downward blow. The creature falls onto the forest floor.

When it lands, it’s my sister again.

I fall to my knees with a sob that rattles my bones. Rattles the world. My fingers dig into the ground, my veins igniting with every thornlike feeling I’ve buried, every jagged piece of pain and anguish that will never go away. It’s all too much, overtaking me, pulling me under, a sea of agony.