Page 225 of Starside

I was thrown in a cell for two days without food or water. Then, on the third day, after I refused to take off my shirt for punishment, knowing what they would find … they sliced me through my clothing, with rusted knives. They pinned me down on my stomach as I screamed …. and carved me up like an animal. The only reason they didn’t see my markings is by the time they got through the fabric, they were covered by my blood.

All their names. Their names. They carved them there, on the lowest point of my spine, saying something about wanting to see them while they had me the next day.

The only reason the next day didn’t arrive was because Stellan did first. He found me half dead, offered new weapons for the guards in exchange for my release, and carried me home in his arms. I made some excuse about having been caught stealing. He never asked about it again.

I’ve never forgotten the hatred in Harlan Raker’s eyes. The mercilessness.

It’s the same hatred I see now.

I get the sense it isn’t directed toward me. I wonder if he recognizes the names. He was head of the king’s guard, even then, two years ago. They were his warriors. He backs away from me a step, expression shifting. “I—I didn’t know they would do that to you.”

No. I’m not letting him retreat. I’m not letting him not face this. I take a step forward. “Really? What did you think they would do?” Another step. “You knew you were leading me to my death. You knew, and you refused to have mercy. You refused to let me go.”

I grit my teeth. My hands are shaking, so I curl them into fists.

I don’t allow my voice to tremble. I don’t allow any more tears to fall as I say, “So now you know. You know and you never won’t. I hate you just as much as you hate me. And if for any moment, any second, I forget”—I slide my fingers across the raised markings, the names—“I have all these scars to remind me.”

I don’t even look at him as I gather my dress to my chest and leave his room.

That night, lying in my bed in the shreds of my dress, my mind replays those memories long buried. The laughs echo through my mind. The men jeering as I screamed, like every letter carved into my skin was an accomplishment. They cheered as they branded me, claimed me. As they planned to claim me further. I remember when the pain became too much and I lost consciousness, face against the dirt my blood had turned to mud.

He’s the reason I was sent there in the first place. Even if he didn’t mean for it to happen, it did.

If by any miracle this does not kill me, I will find those men, I think. I never saw their faces … but I have their names.

Carved right into my skin.

Midnight arrives, and I shed the tatters of my dress, replacing them with simple black pants and a long-sleeved shirt from the wardrobe. Then I open my door carefully, bones bracing as it creaks. I wait. But Raker’s room is silent. Good.

I slip into the hallway. The castle is empty. With every step down the stairs, anticipation builds in my bones. What will I learn? What is this great sword that decided to save me?

I know it doesn’t matter. Stellaris will not be mine for long. But part of me wonders at what I was able to claim.

Part of me wants to know that during this brief and brutal time in this world, maybe I have been more than my all-encompassing rage.

The iron door swings open at my approach, as if the blacksmith was listening for my steps. He looks behind me. “Are you alone?”

I nod.

He opens the door a sliver. The moment I’m inside, it clicks closed behind me.

And I see that he is not.

Traitorous asshole.

The forge is full of knights, wearing the crest of House Rodin. In the center of them stands their lord.

He smiles good-naturedly, as if we’re meeting in the middle of a ballroom.

“I thought you were at Heartfall,” I say smoothly, not willing to let him see anything but calm and confidence, though inside panic surges through me.

“And miss this? Never.”

My eyes roam across the warriors. “Miss what?” I ask, my tone casual, my heart hammering.

His smile only grows. He looks at me like I’m a caged animal that hasn’t realized it will never see the sun again. “Did you really think I would betray the gods for you? When they’ve been so good to me?” He shakes his head. “Oh, no. I’ve already alerted my patron god. He’s on his way. I’ll be looking forward to being rewarded.”

My jaw locks. Vander was wrong. It seems House Rodin hasn’t abandoned its god after all.