Page 22 of Senior

“Mind your business, Stanley,” she said to him.

“Right,” Salima said, turning his head back to her. “Your focus needs to be on your own wife, Deucy.”

He was reluctant to give her his attention. I pulled back from Steph and continued to dance with her.

“Your son is a hater and a pain in my ass.”

“Not too much on my baby. He just loves his mama.”

I looked down at her and cupped her chin. My thumb gently grazed her cheek.

“Yeah… I can relate to that.”

I didn’t mean to say that shit out loud, but it wasn’t a fucking secret. I loved her. I’d always loved her, and I would always love her. There was no shame in that. She knew it, but she didn’t need to hear that out loud. I’d committed to respecting her need to grieve the loss of her husband for as long as she needed that. If I was being honest with myself, I was grieving a loss my damn self.

I grieved the loss of having her in my life in the capacity I most desired.

I missed holding her, kissing her and making love to her. Having her as just a friend and the mother of my son would never be enough for me. Often times, I thought about the first time I knew I was losing her for good.

It wasn’t the first time we’d broken up. Hell, before this, we’d broken up a few times. The deeper I got into the game, the more she said it took me away from her. She left me when Deuce was six months because of that. My mother helped her with securing the house she lived in now.

We stayed broken up for a few years that time. It didn’t take me long to realize I was dealing with a strong-willed woman. She was gonna make me stand on my shit until I was ready to change my situation. It wasn’t just that I was selling drugs. It was the fact that I had been telling her that I didn’t want to do this shit anymore. I was just doing it because the money was good and it was expected of me and Blake to take over the family business, just like our father had.

The truth was, I felt like shit for pumping poison into our community. To see what it did to people and be the person contributing to that didn’t sit right with me. Still, back then, I didn’t have the balls to stand up to my father and tell him I wanted out. That was until the incident.

“You have to get out of this shit, Stanley,” Stephanie fussed. “Look at you!”

I was on the bathroom floor, blood seeping through my fingers after being shot in the side. Blake and I were minding our business and shooting the shit in the park with a few of our friends. We were just having a good time when an old school Cadillac came slow rolling through. I didn’t give it much thought until the window rolled down and the barrel of a shotgun with a green flag tied to the end was pointed out the front and back windows.

There was no time to warn anybody to get down before bullets started raining down on us. Before I could drop to the ground, a bullet pierced my side. Blake threw his body on top of mine as shots continued to ring out. After what seemed like forever, the gunfire ceased, and the sound of tires screeching could be heard. When we got up, there were so many bloody bodies on the ground. Women, the elderly, kids… the fucking kids.

I wanted to stay and try to help, but my brother forced me to leave. He damn near drug me to the car and forced me in. As we drove away, I couldn’t help but look back at the people who were dead or likely to die because of some shit they weren’t even involved in.

“Steph, not right now. Just… fuck! I gotta take the bullet out.”

“You need a fucking hospital, Stanley!”

“I can’t!” I yelled, causing her to jump. Tears filled her eyes and I instantly felt like shit. “Steph, baby, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled. Please... get the first aid kit so I can take the bullet out.”

She stared at me for a moment before going under the sink and grabbing the extensive first-aid kit. I instructed her on everything I would need, and she pulled the item out, one by one. Once everything was laid out, she sat on the toilet and watched as I got to work. It wasn’t long before the bullet was falling to the floor. By that time, the family doctor had made their way to the house.

Steph left us alone for me to get stitched and cleaned up. She returned to collect my bloody clothes and dispose of them like she’d been taught years ago. An hour later, I was coming out of the bathroom, fresh out the shower with a towel around my waist. When I walked into the bedroom, she was sitting in bed, staring at me.

“You know I love you, Stanley,” she said softly.

“And you know I love you.”

“Days like today make me question if you really love yourself at times. You’ve told me a thousand times that you want out of this life, but you keep getting involved with bullshit. I’ve overlooked a lot of things, Stanley. I swallowed you having four additional children during our years apart because I left you and I had no right to be upset about it. I love and care for each of them like they came from me. I created a family system with your other baby mamas so our son can be with his siblings.”

She chuckled and ran her fingers through her hair. Looking at me, she shook her head.

“The crazy thing is, I love them too. I have my mother in my ear telling me that I’m stupid for going back to a man that’s gonna die and leave me to raise our son alone. I question myself for giving us another chance when nothing has changed. You run the streets all day and when you come home, you only have enough energy for Deuce. That’s fine. He needs his daddy.

“But I need you too. I feel so fucking alone most of the time. We haven’t had a date in months. I barely know what it’s like to fall asleep next to you. The intimacy we had is lost. There’s no passion between us anymore, Stanley. And for what? The all-mighty dollar and a position in a business you claim to want no parts of. I can’t do this anymore.”

“Baby, please⁠—”

“No! I’m dreading the day I get the call that somebody has fucking killed you over some drugs! I won’t wait around for that. I’m taking Deuce and we are going back home tomorrow. For good. You and I are done.”