Page 8 of Beneath the Dawn

“Because we have years of experience on our side. We know what we want or what we don’t want. And if we prefer to enjoy a physical relationship instead of an emotional one, we would be cool with it because, at the end of the day, night, week, or month, the pleasure would have been mutual. When it’s over, we could go our separate ways because we hadn’t made any promises. No mess. No fuss. And more importantly, no regrets.”

***

Marti broke eye contact with Dante and looked at the ocean. Everything he’d said was right and on point. After Malcolm, sex for her had been Team Physical instead of Team Emotional, all the way. Admittedly, it had taken a while for her to heal from the trauma she’d experienced, but once she had, she refused to let it destroy her healthy view of sex. And so she had deliberately maintained a very active sex life, one filled with one-night stands and short-term affairs, largely because she had no intention of ever falling in love or settling down.

There was a time she had dreamed of the big wedding and living happily-ever-after like most women, but she couldn’t bring herself to ever trust another man. She had trusted Malcolm, and she had loved him. He had known it, and he had destroyed her love and trust in the most sick and vile way possible.

“Marti?”

She looked back at Dante. “Yes?”

“Are you okay?”

She saw genuine concern in his gaze. She sighed. “I’m fine.”

“You were trembling just now.”

She frowned. Had she been? She didn’t realize she was doing that, but then again, she didn’t doubt it. Anytime she thought about what Malcolm and his friends had done, she felt pain, hurt, humiliation and intense anger.

“You’re trembling again,” Dante said, reaching out and taking her hand. She could actually feel her hand tremble in his. But instead of trying to explain what was happening to her, she decided to answer his question.

“I date on occasion, Dante. However, since moving to Billings, I’ve been too busy to have much of a social life. So, no, I am not involved with anyone. In fact, for years, I’ve preferred non-committed relationships. And I can’t see that changing anytime soon.”

She studied him, and then asked, “What about you? Are you seriously involved with anyone?”

He released her hand, then stretched out on the towel. She couldn’t help noticing how easily his body shifted from one position to another. “I only date when there is a need to do so,” he said.

She knew what his statement meant. “What’s wrong? Do you have commitment phobia or are you embracing your inner loner?”

“I admit to having a phobia but not the commitment kind,” he replied.

“Oh? Then what kind is it?”

He paused for a minute, then admitted, “It’s the fear of falling in love deeply, and then losing that person. I’m afraid I might not be able to go on if something were to happen to the one I loved.”

He paused again. “I saw the toll it took on Dad when we lost Mom. Her death was unexpected. One day, she was there with us, laughing, cooking, and enjoying life. Then, the next, she was gone. Dad loved her with everything he had, and it took him a long time to get out from under that kind of grief. I don’t want to love any woman that much.”

“What happened?” she asked softly.

“An aneurysm. One night, she woke Dad up, saying she had an extremely bad headache. In less than six hours, she was gone.”

Marti didn’t know what to say. Instead, she reached out and touched his knee. “I’m sorry.”

“Thanks. I was, too. I missed Mom deeply, but it was only then that I realized just how close she and Dad truly were. I always knew they loved each other. They had been childhood sweethearts. But I hadn’t understood how desperately they needed each other. Losing her nearly destroyed my dad. After she died, he couldn’t return to Italy to visit our families there without her for almost four years.” He gave her a small smile. “It was there, in Sicily, that they’d fallen in love, back when they were just teenagers. He often told me that if he hadn’t had me to look out for, he didn’t know what he would have done.”

He shook his head slowly. “As far as being a loner, I honestly don’t consider myself one. I’m surrounded by too many people. I have two younger godbrothers, and I make it a point to play an active role in their lives. I make myself available to them any time of day or night. And I have a huge family in Italy that I enjoy spending time with, as well.”

She nodded. “So, not exactly a loner. But you are a confirmed bachelor then?”

“Since I don’t plan to ever get serious about a woman, there’s no need to start something I have no intention of finishing. That wouldn’t be fair to her. So, yeah, I guess you could say I’m a confirmed bachelor. I’m selective about the company I keep, and I make sure that anyone I engage with understands my position on matters of the heart.”

Marti took the time to mull over everything he had said, before asking, “So, you’ve never been in love?”

“No. Falling in love is great for some people, but not for me. But what about you, Marti? You said you prefer non-committed relationships. But have you ever been in love?”

She needed a moment to think about what she was going to say, so she sprawled out on the towel, too, lying on her back to stare up into the sky. That way, she wouldn’t have to look at him when she answered. “Yes. When I was twenty-four, I was madly in love with a guy.”

“And?” he prompted when she went quiet.