Page 2 of Game Over

I was even more annoyed now than when I remembered that we had a meeting first thing. They were for sure going on my list of people to throw under the bus the first chance I got. I pulled out my notebook and pens, flipped to the newest page, and wrote in the date and time so I could take notes for what I’m sure is about to be a riveting meeting.

By the time work had finished, I was so mentally exhausted that I didn’t want to do anything except sit and stare out of my windshield after pulling into my driveway. The meeting went on for two hours, covering how we were bringing on another group of new hires, which would normally have been exciting; however, we were also losing one of our team managers. Now, not only would their team have to be split between the other three teams, but we also had to fit a team of new people into this, too.

We want our new hires to be successful, and this seemed like it could pose a potential issue for them once they were out of training. I voiced these concerns to our department manager, who agreed with me, but ultimately, with the timing of everything, it was the best move for them to make. Then I had computer issue after computer issue, and couldn’t get any work done before the end of the day. To top it all off, I spilled my iced coffee all down the front of my white silk button-up, so not only was I out of my second caffeine fix for the day, but I also had to sit in wet coffee-stained clothes until it was time to clock out. Could anything else possibly go wrong?

I pulled myself together, climbed out of my 4Runner, and made my way inside. The summer sun was still blazing, and I could hear the cicadas start to sing as I headed up my walkway, breathing in the scent of the wildflowers I had planted around my front porch. One of the last projects I did with my granny before she passed. I made sure I took care of it as she would.

Sometimes I still couldn’t believe how incredibly lucky I was to have this house. I stumbled across the home by sheer luck when my mom, sister, and I were out for a drive one Saturday morning, looking for yard sales. We ended up in this quiet neighborhood, only a few minutes away from my childhood home.

Nestled at the end of the cul-de-sac was a beautiful, decent-sized one-story home. It was painted the most gorgeous shade of green with white trim and a large wrap-around porch. In the front lawn, an old weeping willow swayed, and the makings of what could be a gorgeous garden. As we drove by, they were hammering a For Sale sign in the yard, and I felt this tug in my gut that I was meant to find this house that day.

Walking toward the kitchen to throw all my bags down, I heard the tippy tap tippy tap of her paws on the hardwood, making her way to me. I knew if one thing could fix this shitty day, it would be cuddles with my sweet Dolly before heading to the gym. She barked at me while she came barrelling down the hall, tail going high speed, ready to take on whoever the intruder she thought had entered her space was.

“Dolly, you silly girl, it’s just me! Stop your barking and give Mommy some love. She's had a bad day,” I said as I rolled my eyes at this not-so-little blonde beast I loved so much. Bending down, I hefted her up and pelted her face with kisses as she tried to get as physically close to me as possible. I’m pretty sure if she could live in my skin, she would.

“Dolly, baby, I don’t think you could get any closer. One wrong paw move and you’re gonna rip my shirt.” I gently set her down so she wouldn’t jump down and risk hurting herself, and walked over to the sliding back door and let her out to go to the bathroom.

I rescued Dolly five years ago when I was twenty-four. I had recently gone through a rough breakup with Cameron, the guy I had been with for three years. He said I was “too focused on work and didn’t pay us enough attention.” Complete and total bullshit. The man wouldn’t hold a job down while I was working full-time and going to school to finish my Bachelor's degree. On top of that, he would always give backhanded compliments, if you could even call them that, and I felt like I had to do so much to earn his love and praise. Anytime I would even try to broach the subject of possibly moving in together or the next steps, he shot it down with some excuse.

I had invested so much time in the relationship that it did hurt to leave, but I was done letting someone walk all over me while I was busting my ass to better myself. It had also felt like my anxiety was at an all-time high, due to everything combined; I thought maybe a furry companion would be a good solution. The adoption center said she was a Golden Retriever that someone had surrendered because they couldn’t handle the work, so not only does she have lots of energy, but she has the attitude of a sassy teenager, too. However, I wouldn’t change a single thing. She saved me at such a low point and keeps me laughing all the time with how big a derp she is.

I let her back in, made sure she had plenty of food and water, and then made my way back to my bedroom so I could get changed for the gym and Facetimed Emma. I pulled her contact up and hit call while I propped the phone up so I could change.

“Well, if it isn’t my favorite bitch!” Emma practically yelled when her face filled the screen.

A goofy grin spread across mine as I rolled my eyes at her and shot back, “I’m the only bitch you know; we’ve been through this.”

“Yeah, that’s true, but you’re still my favorite one, and the most beautiful one!”

“I’m so done with you, Em. I wanted to call to see if you still wanted to go to the gym tonight. Didn’t know if the plan had changed from when we talked earlier.” I thumbed through my workout gear as I listened to her.

“Girl, you know I am. I love getting to lift with you; I always have a blast. What are you gonna wear?” She rolled off her couch, where she was lying, and made her way to her bedroom.

“That’s what I’m looking at now; I had a shitty day, so I’m feeling an all-black gym fit is in order, complete with Vans. Whatcha think?”

“I’m so here for it, it’s like we’re back in high school all over again.” Emma and I chatted while I got ready and packed my gym bag. Once I was in the car, I hopped off the phone and headed to her house to pick her up and head to the gym.

Our gym wasn’t anything special, but it sat in front of some of the surrounding mountains in our town of Maplewood, Tennessee. The view was gorgeous and one of my favorite parts—especially around this time of year, since we were nearing the end of summer and about to head into fall. There was nothing better than being surrounded by so many beautiful colors when the leaves changed. The town had definitely grown in recent years, but parts of it still had that small-town feel that I craved.

Another thing about the gym I loved was that it also had platforms for squatting and deadlifting, and some more free weights too. If there was one thing I truly enjoyed, it was lifting. Sometimes I still thought it was crazy how I turned into a bit of a gym rat.

I was a plus-size girl, so it took me a long time to find something I truly clicked with. Not to mention getting over my gym anxiety. It can be hard to get out there when your brain tells you everyone was looking at you and mocking you. From what you wore to the exercises you did.

Sometimes that anxiety still tries to creep in, too. I had spent most of my life trying to shrink myself, to not be too loud or take up too much space. Going to therapy helped me start to overcome those feelings, but it was still tough at times. Growing up in a time where there was fad diet after fad diet and a stream of bullies, it took a lot to change the way I perceived myself and my body. Now, I tried to keep the mindset that if I’m too much for someone, then they can leave and go find less. That I deserved to be where I was and to take up space.

We decided to start with some stretching before we moved on to squats. This was a deload week for us, because next week we wanted to try to go up in the weight we were lifting. My body must have been exhausted, because even though this was a lower weight that normally move easily, it felt so heavy this evening. I knew days like this happened, but it didn’t make it any less frustrating. I pushed through, and then we moved on to benching. While I was loading my side of the bar, Emma walked over next to me and not so nonchalantly whispered in my ear.

“Look at that guy who just walked in. All-black outfit, arm and leg muscles for days.” I tried to subtly look at the spot she pointed out, and, holy cow, was she right. I tried not to stare because I wouldn’t want someone to do that to me, but it was hard. He looked to be maybe around my age or a couple of years older; he had beautiful dark brown hair that curled in every direction, and the muscles stacked on his arms and legs were obscene. He was wearing black shorts that hugged his legs, and a black shirt cut into a longer crop top so it sat above his waistband. It should be criminal how good he looked.

Even though he was incredibly muscular, he still had that “dad bod” look about him, and I was not complaining one bit. I was trying to be subtle while my eyes roamed over him, and well, subtly has never been my strong suit. He looked up from his phone, and we locked eyes with one another.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

“Abort mission! Abort mission!” I hissed to Emma as we bolted into a flurry of movement, trying not to trip over each other or the equipment while pretending we weren’t ogling the man who just walked in.

Even though it was after five p.m., she and I shared an energy drink to make it through the workout. We took turns bench pressing, and the entire time it felt as if eyes were on me. As if someone was tracking my every movement, but anytime I looked around, no one was staring.

I shook the feeling off because it was more than likely Emma watching since we were taking turns spotting. I finished up and took a sip of water when Emma leaned over and whispered to me.