Page 34 of Bound

I shake off the dark thoughts. It’s a worry for another day.Today I need to feed them, and that’s all that matters. I hope Cian hasn’tmanaged to kill all our chickens while he was busy fading. I walk out the backand down to the chicken coop where I select a particularly healthy hen.

The hen is big and will make a good meal. The day might havestarted rough, but if it ends with a full belly and a warm bed, I’ll call itperfect.

ChapterFourteen

Cian

The cold water shakes the cobwebs out of my mind witha teeth-jarring shock. I take a deep breath and force myself to go under, thechill prickling along my skin.

I need to think clearly. I can’t give in to the chaos thatswirls through me constantly now.

It’s been almost impossible lately. The thoughts in my headcome and go like butterflies flitting in and out. I can’t catch them and Ican’t keep them. They’re too fast. A thought will come, and I’ll get excitedbecause I know how to fix some of the problems we’ve been having around thefarm. I’ll start to follow through on it, and then I’m standing somewherewondering exactly how I got here.

A little like now.

I can’t talk about it with my brother. Beck has his ownproblems. He doesn’t need to worry about his little brother’s failing brain,but it’s becoming something I can’t hide. Even if I try to conceal my problems,I’ll forget what I’m trying to do. It’s easier when Beck is around to groundme. When my brother is in close proximity, I’m able to focus for longer periodsof time.

I break the surface of the water and sure enough the panicis back. Where am I? Why is it so cold? Terror threatens to take over. I don’tknow where I am. I was in bed. I was in our brugh in bed. Slow down. Itake a deep breath and banish the fear. Fear won’t fix the problem. It willonly make me look like a fool, and then Father will be angry with me.

I can solve this through logic. Like my teachers havetrained me. I seem to be swimming.

Where is my sister? Bron loves to swim, but she isn’tallowed to go alone. Since Beck is always training, always following ourfather, I’m the one who takes our sister swimming. Where is Bron? I’m supposedto look after her.

No. I’m bathing, and my father is dead. My head aches asmuch as my heart as I process the loss like it happened yesterday. Bronwyn isdead, and so is our mother. They’ve been gone a long time. Uncle Torin killedthem and took our father’s throne. Beck and I are outcasts. Yes, I rememberthat part. I’m not a child anymore. I’m a man. I have to act like one.

I look down at the soap in my hand and decide that as longas I’m here, I should clean up. I feel grungy. I think I’ve been sick. I was inbed for a long time. It seemed like a smart thing to do. The big bed is afamiliar place. I always know where I am when I’m in bed. Even if I get lost inmemory, the bed is safe.

There’s always a voice whispering to me that the bed is anice place to be. It’s better than eating or being up and about. I can driftaway if I only allow myself to.

I manage to soap my hair before my mind shifts again, and Iforget what I’m supposed to be doing. My body has become used to the chill ofthe pond. It’s a simple thing to float on my back and gaze up at the sky.

The sky above me is a vibrant blue. Puffy white clouds takeon various shapes and forms. Some of the damn things remind me of equations.The shapes can be described mathematically. I always wanted to study math.Father promised me when I turn nineteen, Beck and I can go live with our auntfor a while on the Vampire plane. Beck is going to learn their fightingtechniques and make political contacts. I’m going to the university. I’m goingto study. It will be marvelous. I can’t wait to meet other students and talk toprofessors. I won’t be going to the same school as my cousin, Dante, but we’llbe close.

I’m going to be surrounded by books.

And I’ll be able to get away from the stuffy old court.Someone is always watching me, waiting for me to screw up and break the rules.I’m not good at following protocols or behaving in a matter befitting a princeof the realm. Father is constantly on me about how much I embarrass my brotherand our fiancée.

But I’ll be free on the Vampire plane. I can meet some girlswho don’t look at me like I’m a fool. They won’t compare me to my big brotherand find me lacking.

What is Father thinking? Maris is a righteous bitch who’scold to everyone she meets. How am I ever going to work up the will to fuckher? I don’t think Beck wants to fuck her, either. They’re always so polite toeach other. There isn’t an ounce of passion between them. Shouldn’t we want tofuck the woman we’re going to be forced to spend the rest of our lives with?

Oooo, that cloud looks like a squirrel.

“Beckett Finn,” a feminine voice calls out. “What are youdoing? Get out of there. You must be freezing.”

I twist my body and let my feet find the bottom of the pond.A blonde female is gracefully rushing toward me. She’s tall and lithe, withstraight golden hair that hangs down her back, brushing her hips. Her skirtsfloat around long legs, showing the faintest hint of a nicely turned ankle. Herface is lovely. She has a pouty mouth and sky-blue eyes. She looks every inchthe perfect Seelie lady.

I don’t want to fuck her either, but I suddenly rememberthat Beck does and has, and probably will again.

“Liadan.” I remember her name. It’s good. Maybe I’m having agood day. I concentrate and pull the relevant information out of my whacked-outbrain.

Liadan O’Neill is a young widow. She fled Tír na nÒg beforethe plane closed. Her husband died a few years back in a hunting accident. Beckhas been visiting her bed for roughly a year now. He hoped Liadan and I wouldget along. Beck likes to share women with me, but I can’t stand the sight ofher. She’s cold. I have no idea why Beck can’t see how calculating she is.

Her lovely face falls. There’s a wealth of disgusteddisappointment in her voice, and I remember she doesn’t like me, either. Wehave a mutual disapproval society going. “Where’s Beckett? I heard from thetrolls that he is back from his hunting trip. They saw him riding in from theforest.”

She places her hands on her hips, all attempts at ladylikeperfection gone. She won’t waste the effort on me. She mentioned trolls withgreat distaste. She’s a sidhe who thinks all other Fae creatures arebeneath her.

“I don’t know.” I’m able to answer with completetruthfulness. For once, my blank mind is a blessing. Oh, but that’s probablythe reason I’m here. Beck’s been gone and he returned. Big brother likely tookone look at me and ordered me to bathe.