Page 83 of Wilde Hearts

Turning the page, I looked at the date. It was only a few days before his death.

I got terrible news today. Dr. Morris has a name for it. Retinitis Pigmentosa. It’s a rare genetic eye disorder that causes light-sensitive cells in my retina to break down over time. She said I’d most likely be completely blind by my thirties or, if I’m lucky, maybe into my forties. My sight is going to get worse and worse, and I’ll only be able to see through a progressively smaller pinhole until my vision’s completely gone.

My days of dreaming of being a pilot are gone. Everything I ever dreamed of…gone. When I told Gina, she cried. Then she told me she thought it would be best if she went back to Denver. She said she can’t handle the fact that I’m going to lose my eyesight.

My mouth fell open. That bitch! She left Grady when he’d needed her the most. I slowly shook my head as I kept reading. The next entry was the day before Grady’s death.

I can’t do this. Not only will I not be able to be a pilot, but I can’t even follow in my father’s footsteps like he wants. I’m going to be blind. Who in the fuck would love a blind man? No one.

My dreams are over. Gina found out and left the same day. Colt’s marrying Ensley. I’m going to be all alone. I might as well just die.

A sob slipped free and I covered my mouth with my hand, closing my eyes.

“Ensley?”

I looked up to see Colt staring down at me, looking concerned.

“What’s wrong?”

With shaking hands, I offered him the journal. Colt took it and started to read it.

“What the…?”

He slowly sank down to the bed next to me as he flipped back a few pages. I could feel the tears roll down my face as I thought about Grady taking on this news, completely alone.

I was also going to track down that fucking bitch Gina and kick her ass.

“He was going blind?” Colt whispered.

“I’m going to kill her.”

I felt him turn and look at me, so I did the same.

“Who?”

“Gina! She left him, Colt. Left him to deal with this all alone! I don’t know if I’ve ever felt such anger in my life. She. Left. Him.”

Colt turned back to the journal. “This was here the whole time. He took his own life because he was going blind…and he never told anyone.”

I wiped my eyes and stood. “He told me about this journal.”

Colt looked at me, surprised. “He did?”

Pacing, I said, “A few years before, he told me about the journal, and I only remembered when I saw it in the drawer. He told me about it just in case anything ever happened to him, because he didn’t want your mother or father to find it and read it. He has some…personal things in there. God, if only I’d remembered it after he died! I could have looked for it. We would have known why he did what he did!” I said, as another sob slipped free. “You wouldn’t have left, and your mom and dad wouldn’t have spent the last ten years asking why! The answers were right here—and I forgot about the journal!”

Colt set the journal down and stood, quickly pulling me into his arms. “He told me about it, too, Pip. And I forgot, as well.”

I drew back. “What?”

Nodding, he said, “I think when he was a sophomore in high school. He had an…um…an uh…particular…sexual experience he wrote about.”

“The threesome.”

Colt let out a shocked laugh. “Yes. That.”

“I’m so sorry I didn’t remember the journal.”

Lifting my chin, forcing me to meet his gaze, he said, “I didn’t remember it either, Pip. I’m just…fuck. I don’t know how I feel right now. I’m relieved to know why he did what he did, but I’m heartbroken he thought he had to end his life over his eyesight.”