Page 52 of Wilde Hearts
Emeline closed her eyes for a moment before looking at me. “I’m not taking anyone’s side. But this isn’t healthy for you, Ensley. Didn’t you say the exact same thing to Caden? If you don’t want Colt in your life, then you need to just move on. I mean, it’s clear you no longer like the guy.”
I swallowed hard. “That’s not true.”
Her brows shot up. “Really? Cause from where I’m standing, you sure act like you hate his guts. The way you just spoke to him was utterly rude. I just don’t understand. If you don’t want him, let him go. Then maybe you can both move on.”
I stood there staring at my sister, my mouth hanging open. I knew she was right, but when had my baby sister become so…blunt?
No, she was simply being truthful.
“I can’t.”
A confused expression crossed her face. “You can’t what?”
My mouth quivered. “Let him go. I still love him.”
Emeline glanced around, then took my hand and guided us out of the room and into a small office right outside the main room in the event center.
Once the door was shut, she turned to me. “Talk to me, Ensley.”
I drew in a deep breath and slowly let it out. “I can’t talk to him, because even though I thought I wanted to know why he left, I’m terrified to actually hear his reasons.”
She frowned. “That makes no sense at all.”
Tossing my hands up in the air, I said, “I know! Trust me, I know. Nothing in my life has made sense, Emeline. I’ve felt so lost for so long, I’m not even sure I know how to…”
Taking my hand in hers, she asked, “Know how to what?”
I shrugged. “Find myself again? I thought my life would be so different from what it is. All I wanted was to get married and have kids, and oh my God, I sound like a broken record. I keep telling people this, but I’m standing in my own way. Believe me, I realize that.”
“You can still marry and have kids, Ensley You’re only thirty!”
Shaking my head, I whispered, “It’s hard when I’m still in love with Colt. I’m terrified of what he’s going to say. What if I’m the reason they both…”
“Oh, honey.” My younger sister wrapped me in her arms and held me while I let the floodgates open.
When I finally managed to get myself under control, I stepped back. “Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. This isn’t like me! I don’t know what’s wrong with me lately. I’m a self-pitying asshole.”
Emeline let out a soft laugh. “You are not. I’m sure having Colt come back home has brought up a plethora of emotions. He hurt you, Ensley, and you’re allowed to be upset about it, but you have to talk to him to move on. That’s more than clear.”
I drew in a deep breath and slowly exhaled. “Thank you for letting me get that out. Seeing him tonight, looking so damn hot in that tux, and then hearing what he did for the summer camps, and everything he’s done to help his mother and father…why does he have to be so nice?”
“Well, he did skip town, leaving nothing but a stupid note, totally breaking your heart and keeping you from moving on for ten years. Don’t forget that part.”
Tilting my head slowly, I replied, “Thank you for that lovely reminder, sis.”
She shrugged. “Just speaking the truth.”
I rolled my eyes. “I need a mirror to fix myself before I go back out there. The last thing I want to do is let him know I’ve been crying over him.”
“You will talk to him, though?”
Blowing out a breath, I nodded. “I’d already decided to talk to him after getting the same lecture from Mom, Dad, and Gatlin. I need to learn to rein in the anger first. I wish I just hated him. I mean, I do hate him, but I don’t hate him. If that makes sense.”
She smiled softly. “It makes sense. Are you okay to go back out or should I make an excuse?”
I chewed on my lower lip for a few moments before I asked, “Do I look like I’ve been crying?”
Emeline screwed up her face. “Yeah, you do. Your eyes are bloodshot, and you know how the tip of your nose always gets red when you’re upset? Well, you look like Rudolph.”
