Page 44 of Book Bae

“How do those techniques help?”

“It’s a natural reflex and relaxes their nervous system. We had to feed him smaller doses, but more frequent feedings because of his gastrointestinal distress.”

“Micaiah, I’m so sorry, honey, that you all went through that. Is he still suffering the effects of that?”

“No. He’s healthy now. It lasted the first few weeks of his life, but seeing that made me know that I had to make a change. She wasn’t willing to get help, even after she saw the impact the drugs and alcohol had on him.”

“Is that how you got custody of him?”

“Yeah. When she refused to get help after he was born, I threatened divorce. She said she didn’t care, so I started the divorce process. She moved back in with her parents, and she seldom showed up to take care of him. It was easy getting custody after that. With the hospital records, her constant absence, and statements from the nurses and even her own parents, it was a no-brainer the judge would give me custody, although they seldom give full custody to the fathers. Thank God I worked from home full time.”

“You did say that she has visitation now, though, right?”

“Yeah. She has supervised visitation. He doesn’t stay overnight or anything, but he spends time with her for a few hours every other weekend.”

“Is that hard on him?”

“It was at first, but he’s adjusted to it. He doesn’t cry when he has to leave her. He loves going to see her, though. Like most kids, he loves his mama.”

“That’s good. Were you two married long?”

I sighed and held my head down for a moment before I looked back up at her. I wasn’t sure if it would change how she felt about me, but she deserved to know the truth about my past. “We were married for two years, and we’ve been divorced for almost three years. She was my third wife.”

“Third wife?” she repeated in disbelief.

“Yeah.”

She listened closely as I talked about all three of my marriages.

“Do you . . . do you think you’ll ever get married again?”

I chuckled and crossed my arms over my chest. Although I didn’t mean to sound harsh, I couldn’t help my response. “I doubt it. It’s too tumultuous for kids, and I won’t put another kid through what Malachi has already gone through in his three short years of life.”

Her voice was compassionate when she spoke, and I could tell she chose her words carefully. “It’s understandable that you would feel that way. Marriage hasn’t been kind to you, and it’s hard to hold on to something that you have faith in but it keeps disappointing you. I know all about disappointment. I’ve been down that road too many times myself, just in relationships. I couldn’t bear to go through it with marriage. I’m sure I would become very jaded.”

I loved that she didn’t pity me, and I could see true compassion and concern in her eyes.

“Do you think that I could meet Malachi soon?”

I smiled at her as I rocked back in my chair. “Of course. You’re the mother of my daughter, and it’s important that he gets to know you and feel comfortable around you before she arrives. They will be raised together, Myraj, make no mistake about that.”

She bit down on her bottom lip and inhaled deeply. I wanted to reach out and rub my thumb across her lower, pouty lip. She was so beautiful.

“I’m not against them being raised together, but I’ll have to admit, I’m not keen on the idea of you having her as many days out of the week that you suggest, Micaiah.”

“And I’m not about being a weekend daddy, Myraj.”

“Listen, I get that what Karen did was screwed up, but I’m not the same woman. Maybe you need to lay eyes on her frequently to feel that everything is well with her, and I get that. It doesn’t require that you keep her that many days to have that reassurance. Maybe you get her on the weekends, and then you can visit her a couple of times during the week. I will be open to working something out with you.”

I angled my head and chuckled. She thought that I was playing with her little ass, but I wasn’t. I wasn’t sure what it would take to get her to see things my way, but I was serious about being a very real and present presence in my child’s life.

“It’s like we said before, we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.”

“Mhm.”

She lowered her gaze to her food. I reached across the table and lifted her chin. Fire sparked from her gorgeous eyes, but it didn’t make me stand down. In the moment that I held her chin, I had a flashback of making love to her, and that pissed me off.

“I’m serious, Myraj.”