Page 23 of Book Bae

“No. Just book conference bae dick. This really isn’t funny, you know?”

“All that time Myron was up in there hooking me up, my bestie was getting hooked up for real. I thought you were hanging with some of the other readers. What does he look like?”

I described Micaiah again, and she frowned. “He sounds familiar, but I don’t know where I might have seen him. Anyway, are you gonna contact him?”

“I have no idea how to get in touch with that man again, and even if I did, would I really want him in my life?”

“The way you talked about him afterward, I think you do.”

“I doooo.” I moaned and whimpered as Symone pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant.

“You have his name. You can look him up on social media.”

“No. It wasn’t meant to be.”

“Girl, it was. God impregnated your fast virgin ass the first time you gave up the coochie. It has to be meant to be. Besides, that man deserves to know he has a kid out here.”

“He’s already got one.”

“Well now he has two. We need to look him up.”

“Right now, I need time to wrap my head around it. Other than that, I have another book conference planned in a couple of weeks. After that, I’ll contact him. I need to have fun one final time before I let that man break my heart.”

“What do you mean break your heart?”

“He’s not going to want to be a part of this.”

“You don’t know that. You haven’t even given him a chance.”

“Yeah? Well, that’s just the way my life’s set up.”

“I thought you said he didn’t want to let go and wanted to keep in touch.”

“He did.”

“Then I don’t see the problem.”

“I’m scared, Mone.”

“Of what, friend?”

“What if he disappoints me? What if he’s not all I made him out to be in my head? What if the reality of him is a let-down and far more substandard than the dream of him that weekend? What if he was putting on airs, and he’s not this great guy after all?”

“And what if he’s all that you experienced and so much more? You haven’t given him a chance. Damn, girl, you’re doing it again. Give the man a chance to prove or disprove your theories. Don’t be that random hard to like FMC from the books that nobody cares for. Be that chill girl, the loving girl who rides hard for her man—the one the readers root for.”

I side-eyed the hell out of her. “I know that I call him book bae, bestie, but this ain’t no romance, and I’m not an FMC. This is my real life, girl.”

“Mhm. So, you say.”

I sighed and gave up on the conversation as we headed into the restaurant.

I’d been wanting a baby forever, but now I wasn’t so sure about the circumstances. I was ecstatic about my baby girl, but my heart was so torn. I thought about the list of names I had created if I did get pregnant and she was a girl. Suddenly, they didn’t seem good enough for her. I thought about all the shopping I would do and transforming the second bedroom in my brownstone from an office space into a nursery or potentially moving altogether. I thought about telling my family the great news, but with that came the realization of all the other things.

The part of my heart that was hurting was knowing that I would have to tell everyone the truth; not just my parents and brothers, but Micaiah too. Having a baby via intrauterine insemination allowed me to be in control of the process. Knowing my baby was conceived by a beautiful night with a stranger changed everything. I owed him an explanation, and I was afraid of facing the music—afraid of how he might react.

TWO WEEKS LATER

“This is so stupid.” I groaned and rolled onto my side with my back to Symone.