Page 61 of Cava with My Colleague

Something flashes in his eyes—regret? Relief? I can’t tell and I don’t want to know.

“So let’s just . . . finish the tour professionally,” I continue. “No more personal conversations. No more confusing the lines. Just work. Can we do that?”

He’s quiet for a long moment. Then he nods.

“Yes. That would be . . . appropriate.”

That word again. It makes me want to scream.

“Great,” I say with false brightness. “I’m glad we’re on the same page.”

I turn and walk toward the exit, my eyes stinging.

“Jade,” he calls after me.

I stop but don’t turn around.

“I . . . I am happy with my life.”

I don’t know if he’s trying to convince me or himself.

“I’m happy for you,” I say, and I mean it to sound sincere but it comes out bitter.

Then I walk out, and this time he doesn’t follow.

I make it to my hotel room before the tears come. I sit on the edge of the bed, then lie back, then stare at the ceiling until I can’t stand the silence. I put my earbuds in. Whoever killed the woman in episode four of this podcast is about to be named, and I’ve been waiting for this. I will focus on that. I will absolutely focus on that.

I was so stupid. So incredibly stupid.

Now I have to admit to myself that I was hoping for something . . . more. My feelings are more than for a friend, more than for someone I’m attracted to.

I’ve been building something out of nothing, reading meaning into every smile, every touch, every moment of vulnerability.

He has a son. A granddaughter. A whole life in Madrid.

What did I think was going to happen? That he’d upend his entire settled, stable life for a woman who’s about to move to another continent?

I should have known better.

I sit on the edge of the bed for a long time. Eventually I reach into my bag, into the inside pocket where I keep the pictures I want to protect. The Valencia one. Carlos in the evening light, looking at me exactly like that.

I should take it out of the inside pocket. Put it somewhere less careful. It’s just a photograph.

I leave it where it is.

I wipe my eyes. Three more presentations. I can do this.

I have to.

23

Carlos

* * *

“Good morning, Jade.”

“Good morning, Carlos.”