Page 159 of Operation: Defiance

Asher

The second I say the words aloud, I regret them. Not because they aren’t true. Because they’re the kind of truth I’ve never given anyone before.

From the way Raine’s fingers trace the edge of the table, I worry they’re the kind of truth she wasn’t ready to hear.

“Shit. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to throw that at you. Not like that. Not all at once.”

“I just…need a second,” she says, tugging at the sleeve of her hoodie. “To line it up in my head.” Her voice drops to a whisper, but she meets my gaze for a brief moment. “Being chosen isn’t something I have a pattern for. People usually decide I’m too much before it gets that far.”

“You’re not too much. You’re…you.” If I didn’t think she’d kick my ass for fighting battles that belong to her, I’d hunt down anyone who ever called her “too much.”

She shifts in the chair, her focus moving to the window, to the spill of sunlight across the floorboards. A single sigh, one full of longing, heaves her shoulders.

“A part of me wishes I could go back,” she says. “To my apartment. My orchids. My life. Even to GSD. Systems made sense to me. I wasn’t happy…exactly. The field was more…home. But I could be myself inside that structure.”

A faint tremor runs through her fingers. “They took that from me. They took…me. Everything I knew and trusted and understood about myself was stripped away.”

“No.” It takes effort not to raise my voice or ball my hands into fists. More than I want to admit. But I keep myself under control because she needs me steady. “They tried. They failed. You’re still here, Raine. Still you.”

Her gaze steadies, and it hits me deeper than I’m prepared for. Deeper still when her voice shakes.

“They broke a part of me I thought was unbreakable. And when it happened…I promised myself if I got out—if I survived—I’d stop them.”

The promise fills the room. Solid. Forged in fire and pain and grit.

I lean closer, flipping one of my hands palm up. An offering. If she wants it. “Then that’s what you’ll do. And I’m with you. Next to you. Behind you. In front of you if necessary.”

Her breath catches once, and she stares at my upturned palm for several seconds before she rests her fingers over mine. That one action, that trust, almost knocks me right off the chair.

“I need to go back into the logs. Find the pattern in all those codes. It’s the only way I’ll understand the shape of it. Of what they did to me. And why. Once I have that, I’ll know what else I need to stop them. This…is going to get dangerous, Asher. Because some of what I need…will be inside GSD.”

She’s giving me an out. Permission to walk away. But there’s no fucking way I’m leaving her to do this alone. She could. I’m certain of that. I’m equally certain she won’t have to..

“I’ve been in dangerous situations before. Once, in the middle of a job in Spain, I tried to flambé on a camp stove and burned off half an eyebrow.”

She chokes on her laugh, gold flecks shining in her brown eyes for a moment before she sobers. “I mean it, Asher. If this is as big as I think it is, you might never be safe again. If you stay.”

“There’s no version of this that includes safety for me, but not you. I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere. So put me to work. Tell me what you need me to do.”

She studies me, her stare reaching deep into my soul as her fingers tighten around mine. “I have to start this alone. If I don’t, it becomes too…real. Once I know the pattern, I can bring you in without losing myself in the process. Is that…okay?”

“Very. But I’m not just a pretty face. I have contacts. People who owe me favors. Skills beyond knowing twenty different ways to prepare eggs. I’m here when you need me.”

Taking a risk, I squeeze her hand. Once. Briefly. Then hold my breath.

Her eyes soften, the gold flecks even brighter now. “If I could go back, there’s one thing I wouldn’t change.” After a beat, she pulls her hand away. “You.”