Page 4 of The Gentleman’s Thief

“P…possibly,” I stuttered. No man had shown this type of intense interest in me since Euan. I was flattered. Silence fell; Cavell bit his lip and awkwardly looked up at the ceiling as if searching for cobwebs. Maybe he had said too much or not enough? Whatever he was thinking to say appeared to make him distinctly twitchy in his seat. Cavell righted himself in his chair and then said,

“Look. Can I be frank?” I gestured for him to continue, unsure if I wanted to hear what he had to say.

“I explained my profession to you. I work in disguise.” I nodded.

“It is hard to be…myself and to meet people…men I can be myself with.” He paused as if trying to measure his words before saying them.

“I discovered that I can be myself… with you. I would like you to be my friend, Benedict. Do you understand?”

The discussion of feelings was always excruciating and embarrassing. I avoided such talk as much as I could. However, our gazes met, the spark became a flame—and I could not look away. Reading between the lines, what he was asking was wondrous, and yet, because of who this man was—what I believed he asked of me was recklessly dangerous for both of us—not to mention, illegal.

“There comes a time where even the flightiest of birds needs to stop and find a perch. I’m tired, Benedict. I’m tired of superficial acquaintances. I’m sure you can imagine—”

“I think I can”, I admitted, holding on to my hot teacup to anchor me. I recalled that Sebastian had once told me of how he engineered a back alley upright with Euan Ardmillan to get the measure of the man! I understood that his dishonest life did not offer Cavell the true friendship he desired.

“I would like to earn your trust, and if you decide you cannot offer me something more I will concede and be happy to call you my trusted friend,” Cavell said and then he took a nervous sip of tea.

I knew exactly what more meant. Sebastian’s eye contact was true, and the earnestness in his voice made a lump form at my sternum. I watched him with a mixture of affection and alarm, for even though I had seen him full of confidence and patter before, this time he was nervous and talk of feelings appeared agonizing—as if he feared my rejection. Not even Euan had spoken so earnestly to me and I found I was touched by Sebastian’s regard. The silence that fell between us took on a frigid, fragile quality as if one wrong word would shatter something new and beautiful.

“I….I am humbled by your kind words.” I stuttered. “But… I am not a young man Sebastian and I need you to know I will not enter into this…friendship blindly. I appear to enjoy your company, but the truth is that you are at an advantage.” Sebastian looked up at me, perplexed.

“You have watched me and become familiar with my habits over many months in your disguises as Josiah and John Edwards. However, I met you a mere eight days ago.”

“Gods, is that all? It feels like I’ve known you forever!” Sebastian admitted rubbing his hand across his mouth. His pupils flared, sending a dart of attraction my way. He looked so boyishly handsome at that moment and the interruption befuddled my brain and made me lose my place. I could not let emotions or attraction get the better of me. Morality and truth must be my shining light. I took a breath and ordered my thoughts.

“You make your living from criminality which I find disturbs me greatly. You have presented yourself in many disguises meant to deceive. You have deceived me and yet—” I paused for a measuring breath.

“—And yet… you also assisted to stop Euan’s scheme in its tracks…and you gave me The Staff of Asklepios as a gift.” I paused again, torn by expressing the duplicity of this man’s behavior and my unnerving magnetic attraction to him.

“Even though what you suggest is sinful, I find you…fascinating. I must admit I… do share your desires for more. I would like to become acquainted with you, but when it comes to the matter of trust, I cannot say that I trust you, for that would be a lie. But what I can say is that I will try to trust as you give me a reason to.”

Sebastian ran a thumb and forefinger absently to trace the outline of his succulent lips. He was deep in thought, considering all I’d said. I sat back and sipped at my cooling tea. Then Sebastian spoke,

“You humble me, Benedict. That was a kind and measured response. You are indeed correct and incisive in your rendering of me. I understand that my profession and deception gives you every reason not to trust me. But, when it comes to the use of disguises, in my defence, all I can say is that it was not time for me to reveal myself. I was unsure if I could count you as an ally, and when we met on the train I did not know if you were aware of the full contents of the Ardmillan Will. As events unfolded and we conversed I saw that the man I knew when I was in disguise as Josiah was, in fact, your true-self and you would not compromise yourself for the likes of Lord Euan Ardmillan. Moving forward I will endeavor to be honest and do my best to give you every reason to trust me”.

“Very well,” I conceded. “So what next?”

Sebastian’s eyes brightened and with a wry grin he said, “Isn’t that obvious, friend?”

Men like us took our pleasure in snatched moments of illicit fumbling in bathrooms, a back-alley upright, or an evening at a Molly house. Then we got on with our lives as if the exchange had never happened. I did not want our connection to be like that. Seedy, illicit, and dangerous. If Sebastian was to be my new friend, we would need to make proper arrangements. We would see one another regularly, and get to know each other’s tastes. It would also mean I would be permitting a wanted criminal to have access to my life, to my family, my business acquaintances.

“Before we proceed I need you to promise something.”

Sebastian nodded. “You will never steal from me or my family.”

“Gods! Of course not!” Sebastian seemed rather outraged that I had dared to voice those words.

“Very well,” Sebastian held my gaze.

“Then we have an understanding.” He said. The implications of those words made me feel lighter and younger than my years.

“It appears we do.” I agreed, and to hell with my determination to remain celibate. I wanted to kiss him then…to seal the deal as it were…but this was not the time or the place. Not when my servants were in the house about their business.

“Thank you. I was so incredibly nervous to speak with you. I played through a plethora of scenarios during my journey back to London.” Cavell admitted, and I found this admission most endearing. He gave a lopsided smile and I felt that smile in my groin. I swiftly averted my gaze.

“So, how can I assist you?” I asked in an attempt to dissipate my growing arousal.

“I require some information, and I thought that you might be able to help,” Sebastian explained. He drew a weathered leather wallet from the inner breast pocket of the navy jacket I had loaned him. He opened the burgundy wallet and removed two pieces of what appeared to be paper. He unfolded the first and pushed it across the table to me.