Page 42 of Sweet Thing

“Bast, remember what you said that day beside the river? Would you like me to try and help you with… The problem?”

Bastian’s brows knitted in confusion.

“The impotence,” Sim confirmed as if he needed to tell Bastian what his problem was.

Bastian’s hackles went up with the voicing of that word. He began to sweat, and his heart thudded with anxiety.

Simeon babbled on in a nonchalant sweet voice,

“I talked to someone—I hope you don’t mind. I just got some advice on what to do. I think I can help you, if you want that, okay?”

Sudden rage bloomed in Bastian’s chest. He put his wine glass down on the table and rose from the couch, seething with mortification. A hand rose to cover his mouth and prevent a roar escaping. He began to pace around the room.

Simeon was tight lipped and reassumed his defensive pose, dragging his knees to his chest and hugging them tightly.

Bastian turned and glared at Simeon “Who the fuck do you think you are? How dare you talk about my intimate issues with strangers. Am I your fucking charity case? Is that it?” He spat venomously.

Simeon was horrified by Bastian’s reaction. Sim had neglected to consider just how deep-seated the trauma and anxiety were, and that in seeking to help him, Simeon had been thoughtless and indiscreet. However, anger directed at Simeon always kindled his own.

“Bast, please, sit the fuck down and listen to me for a moment”, he said in an argumentative tone.

Bastian glared daggers at Simeon. Who the hell is he to talk to me like that? Bastian was struck dumb for a moment and then returned to sit heavily on the couch.

“Are you sure there is no secret stash of booze here? I could do with a drink right now”, he huffed petulantly.

Simeon was not impressed by that joke. “Not funny!” He pursed his lips and glared. Maybe this was a bad idea after all. Sim left the couch and returned with a booklet.

“I was only trying to help. My friend suggested we try this, but at the moment I just feel like kicking you the fuck out of my apartment again.” Simeon glowered and tossed the booklet onto Bastian’s lap, then stormed out of the living room.

Bastian glanced down at his lap and read the title on the front of the book ‘Sensate Focus: The doorway to intimacy.’ Bastian scoffed at the title; it was hippy-trippy nonsense, for sure. He opened the booklet and began to read, for entertainment’s sake, of course, but within the first few lines his chest tightened.

“The program can help overcome any fear of failure that may have existed previously, building a more satisfying sexual relationship in which both partners feel able to ask for what they want and are able to give and receive pleasure. Sensate Focus is not a race to an end. Continuous reinforcement is needed to overcome negative reactions to intimacy…”

Bastian read on, not realizing that Simeon had been absent for more than fifteen minutes. When he finished reading, Bastian knew he owed Simeon an apology.

****

Simeon lay curled up on the king size bed in the spare room, feeling foolish and disappointed. All afternoon he’d been daydreaming about how it would feel to put the techniques that Emily had taught him to practice with Bastian. It was a ridiculous fantasy, but the dreams had kindled a dangerous, addictive curiosity. There had been no sound of slamming doors, so Sim assumed Bastian was still in the living room, stewing in his self-pity. Well, Fuck him! Sim huffed. He was about to doze off when there was a gentle tap on the door.

“Are you in there Simeon? I’m sorry I lost my temper”, Bastian pleaded to the closed door. Simeon sighed out a deep breath, waited for a moment, and then called “Einkommen.”

Bastian opened the door and saw the younger man on the bed. Their eyes met, exchanging another stare of volcanic heat, and then they both looked awkwardly away. Bastian strode into the room, and then he sat on the unoccupied side of the bed with his back to Simeon. He said nothing, but then began removing his socks and started to loosen his tie and unbutton his shirt.

Simeon rolled over. “What the fuck are you doing?” he asked, his voice a mixture of alarm and surprise.

“We’re gonna do this, yes?” Bastian asked, meeting Simeon’s eyes with a flirty sidelong glance.

“Stop. Wait. We need to talk.” Sim sat up cross-legged on the bed, and his eyes were drawn magnetically to the muscled flesh of Bastian’s chest peeking through his unbuttoned shirt. He wanted to touch so much… Then lick and bite and—

“You don’t just rush into this. Sensate Focus is serious—for me anyway—and if not for you then I don’t know what to think. You have no idea what I put myself through to get this information”, Simeon admonished cryptically. Being massaged by Emily had been confusingly erotic for him.

Bastian turned and sat cross-legged, mirroring Sim. He had been thinking of Simeon all day, only Simeon. The fact he’d let thoughts of Matti fade for a time made him feel disloyal but, still, he could not stop his mind running ahead, playing out scenarios with Simeon as the main attraction. Reading about Sensate Focus tugged at his need to be close to a warm living body, even if it was just for the comfort of skin against skin, and no sex.

“What do you want from me, Simeon?”

Since he’d reached the age of consent, Simeon had spent his life engaging in promiscuous and hedonistic indulgences. He craved any experience that would feel good in the moment—drugs, drink, cock, and ass. He’d tried it all, and ended up a step away from suicide. Rehab and sobriety led to a period of deep introspection, and rebirth. For the first time in Simeon’s life, he actually wanted to go slow, and not fuck and run. If Simeon didn’t know any better, he would have sworn that he’d been slipped some kind of pill. He couldn’t believe he wasn’t freaked out by the enormity of what he was offering and risking. Simeon had let plenty of men fuck him, but never let any man inside, never let a soul really know him, apart from Pieter, and Pieter didn’t want to have sex with him. The bond formed using Sensate Focus would be beyond just sex. It offered the chance at creating the kind of trust and intimacy Simeon had never known, and only just realized that he wanted—badly. His truth would not be denied tonight.

“I’ve had only one long-term boyfriend, Charlie, when I was seventeen. He wanted to be exclusive, and it kinda freaked me out so I ran and I guess I’ve been running ever since”, Simeon admitted. “I’ve fucked more guys than I care to remember and it’s a miracle my blood screening comes back clean. But I’ve reached a point in my life where I want to know what it's like to really know a lover, to let him really know me. I like you, Bastian, I can’t think for the life of me why, because you drive me fucking crazy sometimes, but I do… Like you. I want to know you. And even if this is just a short fling to make you feel better about yourself and then move on—at the moment I think I’m okay with that.”

Bastian stared, stunned by the rawness of Simeon’s honesty. His chest tightened with spiraling feelings. He felt lightness expand inside him. He wanted whatever Simeon had to give.

Simeon watched Bastian’s stubble-framed lips part, and a shaky breath left him before Bast reached out and cupped Simeon around the back of the neck.

“Use my body as you will,” he ordered severely, and then dragged Simeon into a searing kiss.

Sim shuddered as his mouth was pillaged. He fell into the intensity of the connection and the taste of sweet grape in the other man’s mouth. The hot kisses sent a spark to his groin. He laughed inside, recalling Emily’s words about starting Sensate Focus, ‘Pretend you don’t have a cock, and for the first session don’t touch one another’s genitals.’ That was easier said than done.

The kisses he shared with Bastian made him crave more, but they had to stop. If Simeon was going to start this, he would do it by the book. He pulled away from addictive kiss-swollen lips, his hands cupping and caressing the soft blond stubble around the man’s jaw. Bastian chased his mouth like a baby seeking the breast, his eyes tightly closed.

“Open your eyes, Bast, look at me.” Sim challenged calmly. He couldn’t believe how brave and controlled he was tonight. Bastian did as he was told, and Sim felt his heart somersault at the uninhibited, heady desire in those azure eyes. The man was so damn handsome.

“If we're gonna do this, we do it right. Did you read all of that booklet?”

****