Page 34 of Rogue Starfighter

No. It was not. Priya studied me with the same complete and total focus with which she did everything. “Is that why you think Captain Wroxxon doesn't like you much?”

“Wroxxon believes my methods are reckless and that Tavik paid the price for them. Tavik was a better pilot than I was. He was better at everything.”

“Do you truly believe that?”

I should have answered immediately. I did not. I have her question honest thought. “Every day of my life,” I said at last.

Her expression softened, which was almost worse than pity. I could withstand pity. I was not prepared for understanding.

“And then the program matched you with me,” she said. "And didn't give you a choice."

“A woman with Tavik’s instinct, less training, and no respect for my authority.”

“I respect your authority.”

“You argued with every order I gave you this morning.”

“That was professional curiosity.”

“You called me a control freak.”

“An accurate professional assessment.”

I almost smiled. The impulse felt wrong in the middle of this conversation. Priya seemed to understand, because she did not push the joke further, although I saw a sparkle in her eyes that let me know she was teasing. No one had dared since Tavik. Her boldness made me want to kiss her. Bad idea.

“When I keep my distance,” I said, “it is not because I do not believe you are an amazing female, Priya.”

Her gaze locked on mine and I saw the hurt I had caused, the disappointment she couldn't hide from me. I knew she wanted more from me. She wanted a true bondmate, a male who would love and adore her. She wanted my heart, but the damn thing was too broken to give her. I had said too much already. Might as well get this conversation out of the way. I didn't want to break her heart. Best she understood the way things needed to be between us.

“I can't lose another partner the way I lost my brother. I am broken, Priya. The program never should have matched us. I can't pretend the risk does not exist simply because you wish me to.”

“You think caring about me will make you a worse scout?”

“I think losing you would make me nothing at all.”

The words left my mouth before discipline could stop them. Priya stood. Every muscle in my body tightened as she crossed the four steps between us. She crouched in front of my chair and put one hand against the side of my neck, wrapped her fingers around me, directly over my mark. Heat moved through the bond. Her touch was warm. Her pulse fast. So was mine.

“I’m not going to promise I won’t die,” she said.

“Good. It would be a stupid promise. One that neither of us could keep.”

Her thumb moved once over my skin. My cock hardened. This was not the appropriate response to a serious conversation. My body did not care.

“One of us could die,” she said. “We fly a stealth ship into enemy territory. I understand the job. But you don’t get to decide that being alone is safer for both of us. It’s safer for you. There’s a difference.”

“Priya—”

“I spent fifteen years talking airplanes full of strangers out of the sky. Everybody needed me. I made damn sure I never needed any of them. Then I drove back to an empty apartment and told myself being useful was the same as being loved. It's not.”

I covered her wrist with my hand. I meant to move her touch away from the mark before the bond destroyed what remained of my control. Instead, I held her palm more firmly against me.

“You flew alone,” she said. “I lived alone. We were both very competent and very lonely. Congratulations to us.”

“You are making light of the risks.”

“A little.” Her eyes did not leave mine. “Because if I don’t, I might cry, and this nasty tea is already punishment enough.”

I laughed. The sound was brief and rough from disuse, but it was a laugh. Priya smiled. Not the small, cautious version I had seen before. This one reached her eyes.