Page 53 of All of Us

“He’ll have a very full heart, though, and he will be one happy eagle. I’ll let you go, Gentry. Keep in touch with me. Let me know if there is anything I can do for you.”

I swallowed. “Thank you, Martin. I will.”

The phone disconnected. I sat there quietly for a long time, unsure what to feel about that call. When I thought of Joe, I felt a weird whoosh inside. I liked him so much that I knew I was falling in love with him. I couldn’t look at Dusty because I was afraid that when I did, he would see into my heart, and maybe my feelings for him would be gone.

“Hey.” His words startled me. “That was intense.”

I nodded. “I feel like I’ve disappointed him. He’s been like a father figure to me since I moved here. He’s the one who encouraged me to spend more time with Joe. Martin even paid for me to go with him on the cattle drive at the dude ranch to take care of him.”

Without turning my head, I stood up and walked toward the bathroom with my bag. I wasn’t going to look at Dusty; it would break my heart, and worse, it would break his. When I walked back into the kitchen, I had changed into sweatpants. Dusty was sitting on the couch scrolling on his phone.

“Hey, I am going to go out for a bit. I’ll come back here with groceries.” I looked at the clock. It was nearly 1:00 p.m. “I’ll be back by five and make something for us to eat.”

I didn’t look back and got in my truck. It felt like the world was closing in on me, and it was getting difficult to breathe. Before I broke down completely, I left the driveway and headed toward a hiking trail I liked to run on. I parked and made no move to get out. How did this even happen? For years, I thought about Dusty, everything from being together on a trail ride to making love in our bed. A month ago, I met such a sweet, wonderful man, and he was everything I had been missing.

The tears surprised me, and then my heart began to ache physically. Like I had told Dusty, disappointing Martin Wilson sucked. Oh god, what about Ma? She loved Joe. I put my face in my hands, and the tears became sobs. I could leave the Circle W, and that would change things. There were enough ranches in the area that I knew I could get another job. Since I was the cattle manager on the Circle W, I would be in high demand. That way, I would leave all of them alone: Dusty, Joe, and the Wilson family.

I got out of the truck and started my run up the trail. My body fell into the rhythm of my steps, which was good. Even when my legs started to burn, I kept going, because I needed to punish myself for letting this happen. Even though it wasn’t intentional, the thought of hurting any of these people was more than I could stand.

I got to the top and sat down. My thoughts drifted to Dusty. I’m sure he understood how confusing this all was, since he was confused as well. Leaving Dusty’s house wasn’t kind, but breaking down in front of him wasn’t an option. It was weird that the piece of my heart that had been empty now felt full, like my other half had come back.

But my thoughts kept going back to Joe. He had filled some of that hole inside me. He was such a good man, and being with him made me feel special. Everything in me wanted to protect him, be with him, and soak up the joy and pleasure he offered. Spending time with him was genuine and fun. It occurred to me again that I was falling, hell, probably had already fallen, in love with him. Losing him would shatter me, which was an understatement.

The tears came again, and they slid down my cheeks. I couldn’t bear to think about it because it hurt my heart. When the sun started to set, I realized I was late getting back to Dusty. Shit.

GENTRY

I’m sorry I lost track of time.It’s going to be about another hour. I’ll bring home food.

It was only a few seconds before he responded.

DUSTY

We'll have a nice evening.

GENTRY

Absolutely.

DUSTY

Okay. I’ll see you soon.

My legs were trashed, and I had to hobble my way down the hill. Fortunately, there was enough light for me to get mostly down the trail, and I only had to use my phone light for the last five minutes. I decided it was too late to cook, and I owed this man, whom I did love, a nice meal and a lot of conversation.

I ordered steak dinners with a ton of sides and desserts. Way more than we would eat, but enough for him to pick and choose what he wanted. While I waited for the order, I stopped at the grocery store and picked up snacks and drinks.

It was nearly 7:30 p.m. when I pulled up in front of Dusty’s. That little flippy feeling happened in my chest—I was excited to see him. I felt better, and my mind was clearer. Now, I wanted to give Dusty an amazing evening.

When I knocked, Dusty opened the door, genuinely happy to see me. As soon as I saw his smile, I knew I hadn’t worried him. He’d known me since we were ten, and when I got upset, I ran until I couldn’t run anymore. Every time I came back to him, my soul settled, my heart opened, and I would be prepared to face whatever had troubled me.

I placed the bags on the table and opened my arms. He came into them willingly, wrapping around me tightly.

“I’m glad you’re back. Feel better?” He said, with his head against my chest.

“I feel like I am ready to face the future and spend more time with you.” I wiggled my eyebrows.

“Okay then.” We put all the groceries away, then took the to-go bags into the living room. “Get enough food?”