Page 21 of Dreams and Reptiles

“Of course not,” I said, putting a hand on his arm. “Don’t take my reaction as anything but me being jaded and worried about you. If you’re having fun and you like them, you should do it. Who cares what anyone thinks?”

He chuckled nervously. “It’s just… no one has ever paid attention to me like they do. It’s a little unnerving. I kinda don’t know how to handle all their focus, you know?”

“It’s about time you found that with someone, and who cares if it’s two someones? Enjoy it, D.”

We finished our pizza and both had our feet kicked up on the coffee table in front of the large sectional and hands on our full bellies.

“They treat me like they’re the ones who are lucky, and they’re so funny together. They’re a team. Like, they live together, they work together, they do everything together.”

“And they want you together.”

Derek sighed again. “Yeah.”

“Yeah.”

We both cracked up. “College us would freak out if we heard ourselves right now,” he said, once he could breathe.

“You’re right. Twelve years ago, we thought we were going to marry girls. It wasn’t until we actually tried dating in college that we realized we were gay.” We’d both been super-late bloomers, and thankfully we had each other to lean on when coming out.

“They want to see me again this weekend. I mentioned that I’d never been roller skating, and do you know they found a skating rink? In Chico. They’re taking me all the way to Chico.”

“That’s awesome. I’m going to have a date of my own.”

Derek turned to face me. “Really? Kendall? The guys had so many nice things to say about him, by the way.”

I snorted. “The guys. I love it. Yeah, we decided that since we’re neighbors, we probably should make sure we actually like each other, so before we hop into bed, we’re going to try dating. Our first date is going to be a collaboration on a joint boundary project.”

Derek frowned at me and wrinkled his nose. “Huh? That sounds more like a work situation than a date.”

I rolled my eyes. “We’re going to have a meal together and Zoom with his friend, who’s a metalworker, and come up with a cool idea to replace the fence on our property line.”

“Again, kinda sounds workish, but okay. That’s cool that you’re collaborating, I guess? But I thought you wanted to… collaborate with him.”

My face flushed, and my mouth went dry. Derek noticed and started to apologize.

“I’m okay,” I hurried to reassure him. “He’s wonderful, but I can’t help it. There’s a part of me that worries that he… that we…”

My Demise. It continued to rear its ugly head no matter how hard I tried to move on. How did I tell my beloved cousin, my best friend, that I hadn’t been alone with a man since my former boss divested me of my confidence and security, as well as my job? And that I was nervous just thinking about what Kendall might expect? Making out on the dance floor and stolen kisses at the fence line didn’t count. Technically, I’d been alone with Kendall last night, but he was… different. I just couldn’t tell whether he was different enough that I’d be able to fully put the past behind me.

Derek’s expression softened, and he put a hand on my leg. “Francis, I don’t want to push, but maybe talking about it will help? You’ve lost so much time already. I want you to have that fresh start you came here for.”

I could tell him, but then the look of pity would be there, probably forever. And he’d treat me like I was going to break at any second, like his brother Max had done. I didn’t blame him. I’d been such a mess. But that time was over.

I put a hand over his. “I want a fresh start, too, and I have talked about it. I saw a therapist for a while, and I can call her if I need to go back. But I really just want to move on. Hey, I was thinking about painting a mural.”

I hopped off the couch and grabbed my sketch pad, showing him my ideas for the entryway wall. It was an abrupt subject change, but seeing Derek’s eyes light up as he looked at my drawings gave me the confidence boost I needed to get my head back in the game.

“I love it. I really do. It will totally set the mood when people walk in.”

“And I’ve started collecting quotes from some of my favorite artists, and I’m going to paint them on the smaller walls and in the bathrooms. What do you think?”

Derek grabbed my cheeks and squished them like we used to when we were kids, even though the baby chub had been gone since I turned twenty-one. “I think you’re so good at this. You’ve got me ready to abandon my thriving real estate business to become a starving artist.”

“You won’t starve. We’ve still got pizza and knots.”

“I know, aren’t they good? Arnie says they’re his special recipe.”

I groaned again, rubbing my belly. “So good.”