Page 79 of Beautiful Disaster

The quick change in him has left me amazed. He went from stubborn, angry, and sassy to someone willing to hand over his entire being to me, filled with more trust than I’ve really earned in my life.

I drag my fingers across his cheek, and he leans into the touch. He’s definitely affectionate. He just hadn’t found the right person to expose himself like that. I can see his fear of getting close to someone and why he’s avoided men. “I know I’ve told you this countless times already, but you are truly beautiful. And no, you’re not a disaster. You’re perfect.”

Pink dusts his cheeks, and he tries to look away, but I won’t let him, holding his chin in place. “I’m not,” he breathes.

“You are for me. I adore everything about you, even your faults. They make you, you. Special. Unique.”

Something shifts in him. Visibly. It’s the moment he realizes things are getting too deep, and he tries to pull away. Only at night does he allow himself to be truly free and open, but I want him to feel that way all the time. “No one’s ever cared about me like that… all of me. For so long I’ve felt… I dunno.”

“Invisible?”

His eyes meet mine. This time they’re red-rimmed with unshed tears, but he doesn’t let them spill. “Yeah, exactly. It’s stupid. I mean, I’m closed off as fuck. But still… you see me.”

“To be fair, I’m also older and more experienced than those you’ve been dating.”

“True.” Jinx coughs and shifts on his feet, shoving away the last emotional tugs, and smiles at me again. “Do you want to go to Italy with me in January? Aleks and Julien are getting married. I’d really like you to come. Can you? Please?”

“What do they say about it?”

“They said it was okay if I brought you, but since everything’s already paid for, you just have to cover your own expenses. They’re getting married at this old castle you can actually stay in. I have a room there; you can share it with me. Please say yes.”

“I’d love to.”

“Yes!” He jumps and wraps his arms around my neck. “Thanks.”

“I can even speak Italian. I’ll be your translator.”

Jinx pulls away, jaw on the floor. “You mean you’ve been able to speak Italian to me all this time?”

I chuckled. “I can. Well… I’m a little rusty. It’s been a while, but I was raised speaking it.”

“Well, shit. Say something to me in Italian.”

“Ti adoro. Mi hai ridato la vita. Mi sento di nuovo vivo. Di nuovo speranzoso.”

Jinx fans himself, making me laugh. “Oh, that’s hot. What does it mean?”

I wrap my arms around him and pull him close. “It means, ‘I adore you. You’ve given me life back. I feel alive again. Hopeful again.’”

He holds me back, resting his head on my chest. “I feel the same…” he whispers.

We stand like that for a while, swaying and dancing to silent music, just holding and feeling each other. A sudden, loud yawn escapes him, and he pulls back. “Will you watch a movie with me? I’m too stuffed and tired to fool around.”

I smile, and my shoulders relax in relief because I’m stuffed and tired, too. “I’d really like that.”

Between the ski lodge and Thanksgiving, we haven’t done many sessions. We seem to be easing into something new and different, like a hybrid relationship balanced by Dom/sub and something more tender. It’s new for me. Jude enjoyed being a sub 24/7. We were always ‘on.’ That didn’t mean we were never tender, but I was perpetually his Dom.

Jinx leads me to the cushioned sofa that divides the kitchen and bedroom areas. We sit, and he tucks his legs underneath him and rests his head on my shoulder. I wrap my arm around him as he grabs the remote and flips through the channels.

“I love TV and movies,” he says. “Aleks and I didn’t have much downtime as prostitutes, but when we did, we’d always watch TV and eat popcorn while curled up on his bed.”

“He’s a good friend,” I say.

“Yeah, he really is. He’s softer than I am. Kinder. Sweeter.”

It’s so hard for him to meet my eyes when he’s vulnerable, so I always have to lift his chin and force him. I want to make sure he sees my truth. “So are you, Jinx.”

Doubt flashes in his eyes, but he doesn’t argue.