Page 68 of Beautiful Disaster

“Will you tell me the full story one day?”

He shrugs. “Maybe, but I doubt it. That’s something I’m going to have to face him with eventually.”

Chapter 19

Jinx

After a vigorous ride on Waffle this morning, I step into the sauna, where Tink and Foxy are already warming their bodies after their morning chores. The sauna was in bad shape when we moved in, but Julien had it fixed up. Now, we can barely live without it during the winter months, warming us to the bone.

With only a towel wrapped around me, I step inside. I’m slammed face-first into a heat that makes you gasp for air, especially against the freezing temperatures outside.

Tink has his feet up on the teak bench, leaning against Foxy’s chest with his eyes closed. When they open, he shoves back his wet blond bangs, smiles brightly, and sits next to me.

“Hey!”

“Hey, guys.”

Foxy just nods my way.

Tink reminds me a bit of Aleks with his sweetness and easy smiles, but he’s easily triggered and freaks out all the time. They’re both currently deep in therapy.

Working on the ranch has helped them a lot, giving them purpose, a home, and a family. Hell, we all have a purpose and direction now.

Foxy is very angry and closed off, even more than I am. He’ll do anything for Tink. Very protective.

And like me, they kept their hooker names because they haven’t looked at the files we stole from Tito’s office yet. I wish I hadn’t looked at mine, either. It was better not knowing where I came from, but it was also a compulsion I couldn’t stop.

Foxy watches us like a hound as Tink starts chatting.

“How’s the new boyfriend?”

“He’s hardly a boyfriend.”

He rolls his eyes. “You know what I mean. How’s your hot daddy?”

“Mason’s good. I like him. More than I thought I would.”

So much more than I’ll tell Tink. Once Mason told me his story, our connection became clear. He holds all that guilt inside, just like I do. He needs me as much as I need him. It was hard to tell at first because he’s so confident and self-assured, our dynamic feeling a little unbalanced. But Mason’s more put-together than I am, mentally. I also trust him more than ever now. We both know stories about each other that no one else does. It’s our little secret because only we understand.

It’s the first time in my life that I’ve truly understood and connected to someone. He really sees me, and I see him. I don’t have to put on a mask. I don’t have to pretend. All he gives me in return is understanding and patience. It’s fucking freeing.

Tink winks at me. “We’re all in love, but you. It’s your turn.”

I’m not sure it’s love I need. I like what I have with Mason, and I’m definitely starting to feel things for him, still… I stare down at my hands and shrug. After all my failed attempts at love, I’m reluctant to try again. When you’ve been dumped as much as I have, your ego slams face-first into a wall. It’s demoralizing, and I’m tired of chasing happiness.

Being with Mason has solved all that, and I can just let go and let him do most of the work.

At the same time, his story holds me back. I think he chose wrongly, but what do I know? I wasn’t in his shoes. Still, I don’t want to be turned away again. I don’t want to get attached only for him to end things when he gets scared or nervous.

“I’m not sure love is for me,” I finally say. Maybe I don’t deserve it, either. I don’t believe in fate, but perhaps I’m wrong, and there’s something to it. What if life is punishing me for what I did to Aleks?

Tink scoots closer and wraps an arm around me. “Don’t be silly. Love is for everyone.”

Foxy growls, and Tink quickly removes his arm.

I glance at him as he slides back to Foxy. Like me, he has a scarred back. Tito sure did love to punish his boys. We all took care of each other as much as possible during that time. I think that’s the only thing that kept us all going.

Tink kisses his boyfriend’s cheek. “Sorry, baby.”