Page 3 of Beautiful Disaster

Aleks cracks some eggs into a bowl, sprinkles them with salt and pepper, and pours a splash of milk over them. He rapidly whisks the mixture as the vegetables soften in the pan. The air is filled with the scent of coffee beans and breakfast.

I watch the two men interact, constantly touching each other as if they would suddenly be torn apart if they didn’t. Aleks pours the mixture into the pan, and Julien steps behind him, fingers Aleks’ silvery-bleached hair away from his ear and kisses his cheek. “Love you,” he says.

Aleks turns to look at Julien with a huge smile, his mismatched eyes, one green and one brown, gleam at his lover and fiancé. “I love you, too, Sugar.”

My fucking cold, dead heart aches every time I watch them interact. I want what they have. Despite all the women in my life, I’m so fucking lonely. I’ll never find my soulmate at this rate.

Maybe I don’t always show it, but I care deeply about these two men. Julien gave us a home and family. Aleks had saved me, or tried to, after Tito first raped me. He was brutally beaten for it. The amount of guilt that surged through me was enough to change my very being. Hell, it still lives rent-free in my fucking soul.

I glance away from their tenderness, my stupid eyes trying to leak again. I take a bite of my oatmeal, but I’ve lost my appetite, so I shove the bowl away.

“Break up again?” Julien asks, turning to me and pouring creamer into his mug. His dark brown curls are still damp from his shower. He’s fucking hot, is what he is, with eyes that match his hair, thick lashes, and brows. He has one of those chiseled jaws and high cheekbones. He could’ve been a model.

“How’d you know?”

“You have the same look on your face every single time someone dumps you.”

“Ugh… patterns suck, man. I hate being so obvious.”

Aleks glances behind him, frowning. “I’m so sorry, Jinx. I know how much you liked Gwen. We liked her, too.”

Julien pours me a cup of coffee and slides the mug my way. I take it and wrap my fingers around the warmth. “That’s the longest relationship you’ve had yet. I thought she was the one.”

“Yeah, so did I. Whatcha gonna do?” I shrug.

“If patterns are causing you pain, don’t you think it’s time to change shit up?” Julien asks before taking a tentative sip of his coffee.

“Yeah, I’m gonna make an appointment with my doc. I keep pissing everyone off.” I look up at my friends and sigh because I do not want to talk about any of it. “Except for you two numbnuts.”

Julien smirks and shakes his head. “Well, calling your friends ‘numbnuts’ probably doesn’t help.”

Aleks giggles and nods.

“Probably,” I admit. “But why can you guys accept me the way I am and not my girlfriends?”

Julien raises a brow and looks at me as if it’s obvious. “Dude, we’re not the ones sleeping with you. They are. And while I do find you to be a pain in the ass sometimes, all three of us are bound together after I… After Tito died.”

“True, I guess.”

“And Aleks and I both care deeply about you. You are a good person, Jinx. Deep down, I know you’re not all bluster.”

I take a sip of my coffee and sag my shoulders. “But I want to find someone. I want what you guys have. It’s not fair. Y’all fell in love in like two weeks. I can’t get someone to love me even after six months.”

Aleks turns off the stove, wipes his hands, and steps over to me. He sits on a stool and takes my hand. Affection is another thing I struggle with. When you grow up without it, it’s hard to perform, and I have to perform. It doesn’t come naturally to me, like from a deep place in my heart.

But Aleks is. He’s the sweetest person I know. He has the gentlest heart and the purest soul. How is that possible when we’ve both suffered the same way?

“You’ll find your person. I just know it. You’ll find someone who loves you exactly for who you are. I did. Julien did. It happened when we least expected it. We weren’t meant to fall in love. Remember, I was just a paid hooker for him. Look at us now. It’ll happen.”

“Aleks is right. Maybe stop looking. You jump from girlfriend to girlfriend. One dumps you, and a couple of days later, you’re dating again.”

“Pfft… I guess.”

“I’m surprised you haven’t run out of people to date in this dinky town,” he chuckles.

I don’t laugh. He’s not wrong. It’s hard when you’ve been as lonely as I have for years and years. The only people I had to lean on were those hurting as much as I was. Bonding through our trauma isn’t the same.

“Thanks, guys.”