Page 26 of Beautiful Disaster

Since living here in Colorado, I’ve been relatively reclusive, living alone with no friends. I haven’t gotten close to anyone. It’s nice having someone around again. Someone who makes my heart beat just a little faster. It’s less lonely.

Chapter 8

Jinx

Mason’s shower is huge. While the water is getting hot, I finish drinking my coffee. As soon as I set my mug down on the counter, he walks in, closing the door and standing in the middle of the bathroom while I stand at attention, ready for his directions.

“Undress me,” he orders.

I quickly remove his robe. His body is hot, but not ripped. He clearly takes care of himself. I like that his build isn’t intimidating, even if he’s taller. Out of fear, I’ve never been into big muscles. Sure, I’ve found some men attractive, but no one I wanted.

I splay my hands on his chest, then my fingers travel down to his happy trail. “I like this.”

“Bodily hair is meant to be groomed, not shaved,” he says.

“My handler used to make his boys shave everywhere. I hated it.”

I’ve done my best to obey him this morning because I really want to try this, but it’s not easy. My very nature, since being set free, has been defiance at every turn. Obedience and defiance are currently at war with each other. It’s not that I care about being punished, not like how Mason does it, but I really want to give this a go. I don’t want him to turn me away. So far, nothing else has really worked for me. Maybe I could get something out of this. Hell, I’m just grateful he let me share his bed last night. Still, I probably shouldn’t talk out of turn. That’s the hardest part.

I take Mason’s hand and step into the hot spray of the shower.

Standing there with him as the water hits us, I vanish from the shower, bathroom, and house. I’m back in LA, in my past. My body freezes, and I gasp for air.

Fuck. No. Please.

Of all things to set off a trigger, being in the shower with another man shouldn’t be one of them.

The last day I saw Phillip comes crashing around me.

My eyes fucking water and my heart is beating so hard and fast, it hurts. My lungs feel that pressure when you can’t find oxygen, as I find myself in Phillip’s bathroom, like I’m really there.

I scrub Phillip’s back. He’s not the most handsome of men. He’s not thin. But he’s mine for now, and I hope it’ll be forever soon. He would never hurt me. I just know he’d take care of me. He’s so nice.

“Turn around, sir. I need to clean your front.” He faces me, and I take the rag and scrub his broad chest. “D-did you talk to Tito?”

“I did.”

I stare up at his brown eyes, which are shadowed by bags and wrinkles. Phillip is old enough to be my grandfather, but I don’t care. Not one bit.

“W-what did he say?” I’m praying in my head that he said yes. Please let him say yes. I never want to go back.

Phillip grabs my wrists to stop my scrubbing. A lump forms in my gut as dread takes over. The frown on his face is all the answer I need. “I wanted to talk to you about this after our shower, but I suppose we’ll have to do it now.”

I shake my head repeatedly as tears form. “No, no, no… Please don’t send me back.”

He sighs and cups my face. “You’ve always been so smart, Jinx. Your handler has threatened to ruin my business and my life if I don’t return you today. He won’t let us see each other again.”

I back away until I hit the tiles. “But you promised!”

Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Someone always gets hurt when you cry.

“I can’t risk it, sweet boy. I’ve built my business from the ground up. If he exposes that I’m with a teen boy, it will ruin me.”

“No one has to know. I’ll… I’ll never leave the house! No one will see me, I swear!”

“I want to live, too. I don’t want to die, Jinx.”

I want to tell him that Tito wouldn’t kill him, but he just might. He’s that fucking mean.