Page 23 of Beautiful Disaster

I smile down at him as I continue to stroke his cheek. He closes his eyes to the sensation. “That’s not what I mean. I need to be fine with attachments. That’s all. I don’t dominate my sub a few times, and we’re done. This isn’t solely about sex. I take this very seriously. If I take someone on, it’s for a long time. It’s a relationship. Are you ready for that?”

“Yes. I want to try this.”

“Very well, but if I feel I’m harming you rather than pleasing you, I will stop this immediately.”

“You won’t, Daddy.”

I jut my chin toward the fire where I have several large cushions stacked. “Grab a pillow, put it by my feet, and you can curl up next to the fire.”

“Yessir.”

Jinx quickly stands, grabs one of the cushions, and drops it next to me. He sits, tucks his legs underneath him, and rests his head on his knee. I run my fingers through his silky hair, and he relaxes against me.

“Can I touch you, Daddy?” he asks.

“You may.”

His fingers slide underneath my jeans and play with the hair on my calf.

I should make him get dressed, but he chose to be naked, so he can stay that way.

I keep fingering his hair as I finish my drink. Too many drinks tonight. After this, I need to tone it down.

Jinx feels right next to me, like a beloved pet. I’m instantly back in my element. Eight years weren’t enough to forget how much I loved this dynamic. Despite my fears that I’ll ruin him as I did with Jude, I’m relaxed. The difference is that I foresee no one coming between us who would force me to choose, except for Jinx himself. All I can do is take it one step at a time.

This could also be my second chance. My time for redemption. Or it will destroy us both. There’s that fear. My stomach dips painfully from it, but I don’t let it control me.

“Can I sleep with you?” Jinx asks with a yawn.

“You haven’t earned that.”

He raises his head and looks at me with heavy, sleepy eyes. “Can I debate that? Or… beg?”

I raise a brow and nod. At least he asked first. Good steps.

“I cleaned your kitchen really well. It’s spotless. You haven’t even seen it yet. I also did everything that I was told to do, even being super honest with you. That part was pretty hard.”

“Don’t you think sitting here next to me like this is a reward?”

Jinx sets his chin on my knee, looking up at me. “Please.”

“Why do you have to sleep next to me?”

He looks away, hiding his face. “I don’t wanna say…”

My fingers fork through his hair, and I take a handful of it, tugging his head back to look at me. “You brought it up, so you need to tell me. If I’m to allow it, I must know why.”

He shrugs and tries to look away again, but I won’t let him. With a heavy sigh, he says, “I don’t like sleeping alone. Aleks and I used to share a room at this old motel where we lived. I… was so scared most of the time. Aleks let me sleep with him a lot whenever I was. I felt so safe, until…”

“Until?” I hedge.

His bottom lip suddenly trembles, and his eyes water. The amount of vulnerability he’s shown me tonight is honestly surprising. He’s so damn stubborn. Jinx must either really want this, or he’s so desperate to be seen. Possibly both.

“He got hurt because of me. So badly. I tried to be so strong after that, but it’s hard.”

I let go of his hair, and he places his forehead on my leg. “Do you want to elaborate?”

He shakes his head. “After that, I… slept alone and hated it so much. I still do. I always need someone in my bed. Sometimes I ache from it. You’re… the first person I’ve told.”