Page 105 of Beautiful Disaster

“What? No! I’m doing this for us. For him. He’s done so much for me. He’s healed me in unexpected ways. Mason has protected me throughout it all. Now, it’s my turn.”

Julien nods and stares out the window as he processes, before those dark brown pools land on me. There’s no expression on his face, but I know he’s judging.

“Shouldn’t you let him decide what’s best for him?”

“No. I refuse to let him give up his livelihood for me. Period. I know him well enough. That’s exactly what he’d do. I’m Jinx, the man of bad luck. The only way to fix it is to leave. I’m just going to fucking ruin him. Don’t forget about his staff getting harassed, too.”

“And what if he doesn’t care? What if all he wants is you?”

I turn my back again as tears spill. I’m so fucking tired of crying. “Impossible. Why would he do something so stupid?”

He sighs and says, “Loving you isn’t stupid, Jinx. And he does love you. I can tell how much he does and how worried he is for you. Something tells me he’d give up everything for you.”

“Then that definitely makes him fucking stupid.”

“You don’t think you’re worth giving everything up for?”

“No. Not one bit. Besides, you don’t know everything. Mason shouldn’t have to make the hard choices. He shouldn’t have to decide between me and his business, which he also loves. I’ve only been in his life for almost four months. He’s had his restaurants for over five years. There’s no comparison.”

Julien stands behind me and holds me. I can’t stem the tears any longer, and a sob slips out. “Do you really believe you’re not worth it?”

“Yes,” I say shakily.

“God, you’re stubborn as fuck. You speak your mind too much when you should shut the hell up. But mostly, you’re protective and caring. Sometimes you do those things because you are trying to do what’s right by those you care about. You’re an amazing human.”

He turns me around, and this time I cling to him as I cry. “Aleks told me what you said to him in Italy. It was never, ever your fucking fault, Jinx. None of it.”

I say nothing. What else is there to say?

“Talk to Mason. Give him a chance to fix things as he sees fit. It’s his life, too.”

“It’s already done. I’ve fixed it for him.”

“Stubborn asshole,” he chuckles. “Fine, be that way, but I doubt Mason will let you get away with it. You can’t hide forever.”

“I don’t need forever.”

Julien squeezes me tight before leaving me alone with my pain and tears. He means well, but he doesn’t understand. Still, I should say something to Mason, so I turn on my phone and shoot him a text, ignoring all his messages. It’s cowardly, but I just can’t face him right now.

Me: I had to do it. They wouldn’t have stopped. Now your manager and chef can come back. No one will harass them anymore. Your restaurants will be saved. This is for the best. You shouldn’t have to make another painful choice ever again. I won’t let you. I’ll always love you, but let this go. Don’t come and see me. Don’t try to change my mind. I won’t. I’m very firm on this.

As soon as I see the dots appear as he’s typing, I turn off my phone. I can’t be tempted or let him persuade me to come back. He can focus on his career without worrying about me or his restaurants and staff. Sure, he’ll worry about me. Mason wouldn’t just stop caring.

I throw on a coat, the cowboy hat Mason got me, gloves, and a scarf. Leaving my phone behind, I grab some pre-cut carrots and head down to the stables to get Waffle ready for riding. I need her now.

She pokes her head out of her stable, and I pet her snout before feeding her a couple of carrots. “Ready to go riding, sweet girl?”

She snorts and bobs her head in response.

Once she’s saddled, I lead her to the riding ring and climb on her back. I tuck my boots into the stirrups, give her a gentle kick with my heels, and push her into a gallop. When we reach the cavaletti, I urge her to jump. It’s pretty low, so she sails right over it. I push her a little faster so she can jump over the oxers, which are wider and higher. She glides over them with ease.

After a while, I glance up at the sky, which is filling up with clouds. Snow is going to hit tomorrow.

“Let’s get you back inside, girl.”

After I remove the saddle and bridle, I brush her thick winter coat, then I cover her back with her blanket and lead her into her stall. I give her a couple more carrots and head upstairs.

After I remove my warmer clothes, I stare at my wrists. Shit. How am I going to get the bracelets off without the little key that comes with them? Same with my necklace. I’ll feel naked without them. They’ve become a part of me. Part of my healing and reclaiming my body.