Page 104 of Beautiful Disaster

A sob escapes me. It’s as if the cat knows I need her as she kneads biscuits into my chest and sounds like a car engine without a muffler. I hold her tighter and cry harder until I pass out.

I wake up later in the afternoon. Orange Crush is now sleeping in the window where the sun is shining. I reach for my phone to see a slew of text messages and missed calls from Mason. My thumb hovers over the screen, debating on reading them, but I can’t, not yet, so I turn my phone completely off.

I try not to think about being dominated by him. I force my mind not to think about how Mason helped me love myself. Or at least hate myself a little less. My heart tries to ignore the pain of losing him and missing our sessions.

Fuck, I still feel him from yesterday. My ass is sore in the best way.

I claw at my chest where my heart is beating way too hard and gasp for air as I try not to cry again.

A knock on my door startles me. I stand, pad to the door, and open it to find Julien. Judging by the look on his face, he knows everything.

“Hey,” I say.

“Can we talk?”

I step aside to let him in. “I guess this is about Mason, huh?”

“I saw the post you wrote.”

Instead of getting angry at me, though I’m not sure why he would, he suddenly gathers me in his arms and holds me. “I’m so sorry, Jinx.”

My eyes water again, and I suck in my bottom lip to stop it from trembling. I can’t say anything; otherwise, I’m going to let it all out on his shoulder. Instead of clinging to him, I ease him back and hug myself.

“Mason also reached out to me to check on you.”

“Oh…”

“He told me everything. Why didn’t you come to me?”

I shrug. “Hoping it would blow over? Hoping that it wouldn’t come to this?”

Julien looks around my place before sitting down at the kitchen table. “Why did you deny that you’re dating Mason?”

I toss my arms in the air and huff at him. “Why do you think? You think I’m being a dick? That I want to be an asshole?”

“I think you’re trying to protect him the wrong way.”

“What the fuck do you know?”

Julien’s unfazed by my outburst, always the calm and steady one. “You like hard truths, don’t you, Jinx? You like telling people ‘how it is.’”

I stare down at my feet, still hugging myself, and shrug again.

“What happens when they see you around town with Mason? Are you planning to hide your relationship forever?”

“No.”

I turn my back on him. He’s seen too much already.

“Jinx, look at me.”

“No.”

“Please don’t tell me you’re leaving Mason over this.”

I reel on him and fist my hands at my sides. “And why shouldn’t I?”

Julien’s brows shoot to his hairline. “Are you seriously blaming him for this?”