Page 168 of Sands of Atonement

“You don’t know what you’re saying, Eshe.” I placed my hands beneath her thighs, pulled her onto my waist, and hesitated for a moment.

“I know exactly what I’m asking for,” she whispered against my lips, and then hers fell on mine. With the warmth of her mouth, feeling like sweet honey, I let out a groan.

I dropped us down on my bed. Her fingers grazed along my head, causing shudders to run down my body. I feasted on her swollen lips.

Eshe exhaled and pulled me even closer. The air was turning electric, hot, and heavy.

Her nails raked down my shoulders and down my spine, clawing me, leaving shivers in their wake. I felt her need, her every want, her obsessive possessiveness, and I matched her on every touch. She let out a moan when I pressed my hips against her, and I almost came apart.

It felt too unreal. Here, now. With her.

Hold it together, Ezra.

I placed my hands on both sides of her shoulders, my fingers pressed on the sheepskins. I cleared my throat.

“Have you ever…?”

Her kisses froze, and her hands slipped from my body. I could feel her legs wanting to close. This was vulnerable for her. More than what we were just doing.

Fuck.

The column of her throat moved up and down. She shook her head. “No, I’ve never.” Even with the fire glowing dimly to the side of us, I could see the redness in her flushed face.

I took a deep breath, and my head hung above hers. I could just⁠—

No, I couldn’t. Not like this. Not now.

Eshe sensed my thoughts because she lifted my chin and caught my eye. “I want this.”

I bit her finger, and she gripped me forward. Her lips took mine again, but I pulled myself back.

“No, Eshe. You deserve more than this. I’m going to hate myself for doing it, but maybe⁠—”

“Don’t act like you know what’s best for me.” Her voice cracked, and she paused. “It’s always been you. In a way, hating you and believing you had killed my family kept you alive in my head—justified the reasons why you lived in there with me, every day. But there was a part of me that prayed you didn’t… You think you have missed eight years of my life? I’m here to tell you that you haven’t missed a day inside my head since then. A part of me hoped that somehow, someway, you’d be mine despite everything I believed. You were behind every thought, every dream of mine, Ezra. You’ve wrapped yourself around my mind…” She paused, and I realized I was holding my breath. “Please don’t push me away. I don’t think—” She swallowed audibly. “—I can’t handle it if you do it again.”

I’d been pushing her away since the moment we met. Her words were doing something funny to my chest, causing it to ache. I lowered my lips and pressed them on hers gently. She opened her mouth, and I touched her tongue with mine. My throat had closed up, and I couldn’t say a word after what she had said. No one has ever expressed such vulnerability or care for me like this before.

Her words breathed fire into my blood, and I needed to show her that I felt the same way. That everything made sense to me when she came back into my life. I was lost without her for so long. I lived a life I couldn’t even recognize myself in.

For the first time in my life, I couldn’t find the words to tell her that I could never push her away, that she was never going to live without me.

ESHE

My heart never felt so free as when Ezra pressed his mouth to mine. I felt dizzy with his gentleness. I never imagined it would be quite like this, not in all the years I had kept him tucked away in my mind. My admiration for him was locked in chains, something I couldn’t be free to explore and touch. It was always out of reach. Not possible.

But here he was now, his hand brushing up my naked thigh. I could feel my heart beating in my throat as electricity shot up my core.

We fought hard. We argued relentlessly, but right now it didn’t feel that way. Right now, our bodies were in perfect harmony with each other.

He was touching me so softly, and at this rate, he was going to take me tomorrow.

“Ezra, please,” I begged as he took his time under my ear, sending thousands of sensations down my body. Down my legs.

I braced my leg between his and flipped us onto his back. My lessons with Garamgai were finally paying off with Ezra. I lie on him now, bracing his warm body underneath mine.

Much better.

Now that I was in control, I lowered my face to his chest. His hands glided on my hips. I straddled him between my legs, and my core felt more alive than it ever had been. I could feel his length beneath me, and Ezra pushed slightly, and a moan slipped past my lips. My head fell forward onto his shoulder.