Page 129 of Sands of Atonement

I brought myself to standing, over a head taller than her. “I’m asking you, Eshe.” I brushed a hand over my face. “If anything happens, and he finds you before I do, kill him.”

Eshe took a step back, as if I had stabbed her myself. “I would never.”

I pinched the bridge of my nose. “I should have done it years ago.”

She was suddenly in front of me, hands on my arms with pleading eyes. It sent tingling sensations over my body just by her simple touch. “Promise me you won’t kill him.”

“Why would I promise such a thing?” I asked, flinching. “I hate him for what he did to you.”

“Promise me. Anything that we do, we’ll do together. I need more answers, more time. Okay?”

I studied her eyes, and something swelled in my chest. Thinking of doing anything with Eshe sounded right.

“Fine.”

“Promise me?”

“Sure.”

“That’s not affirmative.”

I rolled my eyes and took a deep breath that I always seemed to need when I was around her. “I promise I won’t do anything without you.”

Her hands grazed down my arms before she took them from me. I snatched her waist and pulled her close, causing a gasp in her wake.

“What do I get for that promise, Eshe?” I looked down into her eyes. “That’s asking for a lot, you know.”

She was doing that thing again, with her hands bunched up in my linen shirt, acting as if she was pushing me, but really she was pulling me closer.

She licked her lips and asked, “Well, what do you want?”

“That’s a pretty big question, too.”

“Don’t be such an ass.” Her lips twitched and went to swat my chest, but I caught her wrist midair, pulling her even closer. Her breasts were crushed against my chest, taking her breath away.

Before I could change my mind, before I could find the courage to keep her at arm's length, I said, “Stay with me tonight.”

Her eyes widened.

“W—what? W—why?” She was so flustered.

“Just stay with me.” I want one night of sleep on an actual bed, and her not being by my side had been causing my nightmares to feel an awful lot like reality.

She didn’t give me a straight answer before she left me staring off into the distance and entered the building.

I realized I enjoyed the fire within her heart.

I didn’t mind her fighting, her anger, her rebellious and curious nature. She pulled and pushed me, making me crave her even more. I never enjoyed such an atrocity before. What changed? Why her? Why would I want to breathe more of her nature into me when, before, it went against my way of thinking?

I thought I hated this part of her.

When I was young and saw how free-spirited she was, how her mind ran out loud, I despised it, didn’t I?

I placed my hands into my pockets. I was beginning to realize something that made me uncomfortable and frustrated. Something I thought I believed in for so long appeared to be a lie. I ran my hand through my hair and went back to crossing my arms against my chest.

God, I needed to do something with my hands or else I’d mark them on her skin like she was my personal masterpiece.

Maybe I was being tamed for her. Obeying her, following her, worshipping her. I shook my head and laughed to myself. I rubbed a rough hand over my face. God, I was tired, but I realized it had never felt so good to be trapped in a predicament with my soul.