Page 120 of Sands of Atonement

In a way, he seemed like he was always seeking a way to find an escape. As if he were living in the future and not in the present.

I tilted my head at him while he spoke with grace. He was always kind to me and others. Maybe because his enemy wasn’t people but himself. Through his laughs and smiles, I sensed a longing, a sadness within that I didn’t think most caught.

The weight of the gaze became a burning hole in my back, the greater my smile was. I fought against the urge to look behind me, but I continued ignoring it, listening intently to what Casimir was saying.

I heard the flush of sands behind me as a particular body moved his presence closer.

Casimir looked up toward the presence but didn’t stop talking and smiling, turning his full attention to Yven and Norrah. His eyes were so bright even though they were just as dark as his twin’s.

I felt the back of my hair stand⁠—

No, they were for sure standing.

My hair was being pulled to the side. He was touching me. In front of everyone. I could feel the heat in my cheeks burning.

He was behind me, brushing his fingers across my shoulders, moving my hair and exposing my neck.

Oh, God. I closed my eyes. I tried hiding the large, deep bruise that his teeth and lips left on my skin with my hair. He clearly anticipated it. My stomach fluttered at the thought of him marking me, and now he was behind me again, revealing the mark.

His thumb traced my dark purple bruise, and my pulse sped. I was sure he could feel it beneath his fingers.

Logically, I knew I should snap at him for touching me in this possessive, controlling way, but something inside me was changing. The thought frightened me, but I wanted his mark on me. I wanted him to know that he had marked me. In fact, I wanted everyone to know.

What the hell was wrong with me?

Get your shit together, Eshe.

I sidestepped, so his hand dropped its hold on me. Continuing my walk through the clear water, I left the conversation, not feeling up to pretending that I had any idea of what those three were even talking about when I had clearly been tapped out by Ezra’s touch.

I was an idiot.

I couldn’t stop myself from feeling this… way about him. When I wasn’t around him, I was thinking where the fuck was he? When he was around, I was thinking of ways to get him to pay attention to me. Things hadn’t changed much for me since I was sixteen. I was addicted to his attention. I hated to admit it, and I hated myself more for it. This was definitely a trauma response. Definitely. Nothing else.

I picked up a rock and threw it into waters. I walked far enough that I couldn’t hear Casimir’s voice anymore. But I could feel him right behind me.

Ignore, ignore. Just like he did to me when we were younger.

When I woke up this morning to him sleeping across the hallway, on the floor, to say I was shocked would have been an understatement. He came back for me. It made me feel a funny way, and I had to leave immediately to clear my head.

And what about Kavid? I had so many questions, not enough answers. I hadn’t meditated in days—perhaps I needed some time alone.

“Get in the water,” I heard him say.

I whipped my head behind me and finally locked eyes with him.

“I am not a child. Don’t tell me what to do,” I said through clenched teeth.

He took a step forward, and I realized he was blocking me from land. The water was brushing against my calf, and I was comfortable with how far I was, but… Ezra was unpredictable.

He took another step toward me.

I felt my breasts harden. Traitor, I screamed in my head at my body.

“In. The. Water.”

“I’m not up for another lesson, Ezra. Leave me alone.” I crossed my arms over my chest, hoping to hide any evidence.

“You can’t hide the fact that you want me.”