Page 48 of Dirty Chorus

Yeah, Dad cheated. Mom printed the receipts of everything he did. The conversations, the naked photos. I found bits and pieces of them ripped up in the trashcan. This isn’t even the icing on the cake. My grandparents, and aunt all decided to meet Jesus and croak within three months. Mom isn’t even going to work anymore. I know Ryder is paying the bills yet he can’t even hold himself together and drinks. This week alone I’ve found three empty hennessey bottles on his floor. I’m not usually queasy over anything, but at any moment I might vomit straight into the kitchen sink. If I even mention my feelings to either of them, I’m going to be told I’m making it about me and I’m the selfish one.

“Can I ask you something?” I cross my arms over the counter.

“Shoot.”

“What does it mean when you wanna sleep with a guy, but he doesn’t want to sleep with you?”

“Is there something I should know about?” Ryder asks.

“No, I just wanna know the answer.”

He shrugs. “He probably just doesn’t want to sleep with you.”

“But why?”

“We aren’t complicated. If a guy wants to sleep with you or date you, then he's gonna try. If he isn’t trying then he just isn’t that into you.”

Payton opens the bathroom door with her clothes bundled up in her hands. She scurries down the dim hallway to my bedroom. When she comes back out, she squeezes past Ryder, patching up one of the holes.

“Hey, are you going to come swim with us?” Payton asks with the biggest shit-eating grin on her face and her arms pressed against her breasts. The second he became single, she’s been trying extra hard to get his attention. Her tits almost fell out of her bikini top. I let out a brittle laugh as her obsession with him is going to cause me to jump off a ledge.

Ryder flashes her a half-smile and says, “Yeah, when I’m finished, I’ll come out.”

“Yay! Okay, see you in a bit.” She rushes down the hallway with her flip-flops slapping on the tile. I watch her with my hand underneath my chin.

“Are you flirting with my brother?” I whisper and raise an eyebrow when she finally gets to me.

She has a cherry-red blush across her cheeks as she stutters, “N-no...” She shrugs and scrunches her eyebrows. “He’s like a big brother to me. You know that.”

“Right...” I stare at my pretty pink nails soaking in her lie. “Let’s go tan. I’m so pasty white, it’s disgusting.”

She giggles, “I’ll just burn to a crisp as usual.”

“Sounds like a plan.” I scoot off the stool, and we both head out into the backyard.

Chapter 21

Noah

Trouble: I’m sorry if I crossed a line the other night.

Noah: It’s fine.

Trouble: No it’s not. Idk. You push me away, and I don’t know what I'm doing wrong.

Noah: I’m not big into the serious dating scene. I feel like that’s what you want, and I don’t want to disappoint you.

Trouble: but we don’t have to be serious.

Noah: I don’t want you to think all I want is sex. And if you want to wait for the right guy, I’ll respect that.

Trouble: It was a stupid rule I made. I don’t want to follow it anymore.

Noah: I don’t think it’s stupid. You should keep those boundaries.

The front door entrance dings, and Gramps shuffles in as I hand a customer back change, placing his item in a brown paper bag. My heart beats ten times faster, and my head starts spinning. I’ve told him countless times I don’t want him climbing down those steep stairs without help. He struggles to walk into the bathroom as is. “Thank you,” I say to the girls who bought a few vinyl records. They giggle, wiggling their fingers at me.

“How’s it going down here?” Gramps asks me as he places a hand along the glass display case, making his way to the cash register. He’s out of breath again, wheezing with each step he takes. Today his breathing seems worse, and he refuses to wear the nasal cannula for his oxygen tank.