Page 7 of Holding On

“It’s the best view in the city. Oh, shit, you’re freezing.” Jack wraps his arm around me and pulls me to him. I slide my hand on his chest and look into his steel-blue eyes. I’ve never been this close to him, not like this, and I wish I was completely sober so I didn’t miss a thing, but then I wouldn’t have the liquid courage to do what I do next.

I surge up on my tiptoes and kiss the man that has been the star of my fantasies and dreams for fifteen years. Jack’s lips don’t move, and I am instantly mortified that I’ve ruined everything. I pull back as the blush floods my face. “I’m so sorry, Jack, I misread the⁠—”

Jack has one hand around me, holding me close to him, and his other hand snakes up along my jaw as he pulls me back to meet him in a kiss that is straight out of one of my favorite romance novels.

This isn’t just a kiss—this is absolutely everything. I know he had a few drinks, but he isn’t that drunk, and also, I can deal with that tomorrow. Right now, I am going to let Jack Callahan kiss the ever-loving daylights out of me.

His lips are gentle but commanding as he brushes my lips with his tongue. I open for him as he deepens the kiss, and my hands surge into his hair and hold on for dear life. The falling snow only makes it feel even more like we are in our own bubble. His hand around my waist pulls me closer to him so I’m flush against his entire body.

There are no expectations.

There are no friendships with my brother to worry about.

There are no demands of our careers.

It is just the two of us, and I want this moment to last forever.

He slows the kiss and softly nips at my lower lip, leaning his forehead against mine. “Shit. Tinsley, I’m⁠—”

I shake my head. “Don’t. Please don’t ruin this moment.”

His eyes shutter briefly. “Okay, I just wanted to make sure I didn’t take that too far.”

I shake my head again, pleading with the universe and all the angels that he doesn’t already regret kissing me. “Not possible, Jack.”

His eyebrows shoot up at that as he leans back to look at my entire face. “Really?”

I nod and then my body betrays me and shivers from the cold, breaking the moment.

“I think we should continue this conversation maybe in the morning light, so we can be sure there isn’t any alcohol influencing the things either of us say. Is that okay?” It doesn’t feel like a brush off, so I nod. “Let’s get some sleep.” He takes my hand and my jaw drops. “Just sleep, Tinsley, I promise.”

What feels like moments later, I am living the dream. I’m wearing one of his shirts and snuggled into Jack’s bare chest. He kissed my forehead before falling asleep, but I can’t sleep. This man is everything and he is perfect.

And … I’m just me.

Jack hasn’t done anything to make me think he would agree, but all of Rick’s constant insults rear their ugly head, and the anxiety from earlier comes back tenfold. What if my darkness has a negative impact on his life? I can’t have Jack find out how weak I am, or even worse—what if he agreed with what Rick says about me? I don’t think he would, but I also can’t survive finding out and taking that risk.

I allow myself to lie in his arms for a few more minutes. I don’t know if I’ve ever felt so incredibly safe and treasured. As I take one final deep inhale of his scent, I know I will hold onto this memory for the rest of my life.

And I know I’ll live with wondering what could have been if only I were brave enough to show him all of me instead of being the coward that snuck out of his arms and tiptoed away, even if I wished with every single part of me that I could stay wrapped in his arms forever. I grab a notebook from the desk before writing him a quick note that I leave on the front entry table so he won’t miss it. I wake Allie and we tiptoe out of the suite, walking away from the only man I have ever wanted because I know that I wouldn’t survive his rejection. The fantasy of him has to be enough when the reality of his rejection has the potential to utterly break me.

It’s almost five in the morning when we get to our rooms so we don’t bother with going to sleep; instead, Allie reads the situation like she always does and we pack, checking out of the hotel before six thirty in the morning and on our way to JFK to catch our rescheduled flights back to Orlando.

And away from the safety of Jack’s arms.

CHAPTER FIVE

2 YEARS AFTER PRIOR CHAPTER

My youngest sister’s laughter is a welcome sound after she’s faced more than her share of heartbreak. Her husband was murdered in Chicago almost a year ago, only for the truth to come out after his death about the asshole and his cheating ways. I know we all worried at one point if we would see Vivi laugh again. It helped when she moved back home to Forrest Falls from Chicago with my niece Eloise, and it helped when she found the right therapist. I suppose the FBI Agent that came into her life helped as well, and I admit that even I like the guy. Walker treats her right, and that’s all I ever wanted for my sisters—for them to be safe, loved, and treated with respect.

My brothers and I are going to watch our nieces tonight and force our sisters to go have a few kid-free hours. It’s not a hard sell and both of them need it. Even though Savannah is married, her husband Shane is never around, and he has changed so much from when they first got together. Life is too short, and Shane is choosing to spend his in the courtroom instead of at home with his family. I probably need to find time to get Sav alone to check in on her too and find out what’s really going on there.

We walk up the little stone path around the pool to Savannah’s house before Vivian pauses as we reach the back steps. She and Eloise have been living in Savannah’s guest house since moving home last spring.

She reaches out and touches my arm. “Is everything okay with you? I’m sorry, we just talked about me back there.”

My little sister is far too empathetic and aware for her own good. “Yeah, everything is okay. It’s just been made clear lately how short life can be, you know? It puts things in perspective.” I slip my reading glasses off and pull out a cloth to wipe the lenses before sliding them back on. I know I’m not really answering her question, but I don’t want to bring up the employee we lost last week due to a drug overdose. Tom was a member of Wells’s team, and I didn’t know him well, but it’s still shocking when someone that everyone thinks has everything together is actually just really, really good at pretending. It wasn’t a secret that Tom liked to drink, but no one knew he was using oxycodone to escape whatever pain he struggled with. Those two things don’t mix, and in Tom’s situation, it was a deadly outcome.