Page 77 of Choosing Us

My friendship with Aisha is different because we became close friends after we no longer lived in the same city, so I once again find myself feeling unfamiliar emotions as I miss friends that I’m used to seeing regularly. If I believed in astrology, I might think it was some kind of year of the horse or whatever it is that represents transformation.

There is so much new, but also so much joy.

My life has completely transformed since that night in Savannah’s kitchen last fall, and I didn’t know I could be this happy, or enjoy someone else’s company this much either, both Ryan and his family.

“So, there’s something I wanted to talk to you two about,” I begin as Vivian and Savannah share a silent sister conversation, ending with both of them giggling. Their daughters are upstairs playing Barbies, so we can now have an adult conversation.

One that’s kicked off with giggles.

“Huh, I wonder whatever it is that our dear Harlow has to tell us, Sav.” Vivian taps her chin with a mock confused look as she over pronounces every word.

“I do not know, dear sister, but whatever it is, I am sure it will be brand-new information,” Savannah deadpans as we all start laughing.

“Oh, so you already know everything? Great, we can just skip this convo then.” I look down to Davis who’s snoozing in my arms as Savannah waves her free hand in the air, while not disturbing her sleeping nephew Henry snug in her arms.

“No, no, no, ma’am. You do not get off that easily. Please, enlighten us, Harlow.”

Vivian grins. “Yes, please, what is it you wanted to talk to us about? Just remember, we don’t want certain details if it has to do with anything beyond PG with our brother.”

Savannah nods in agreement.

I roll my eyes, giving up any sliver of hope of getting out of this conversation. “Okay, so, … as you are both aware, your brother and I have been spending time together, and it’s … evolved.”

“I do love evolution and personal growth,” Savannah says with a grin that looks oddly mischievous like her brother Finn’s.

“Same, for sure,” Vivian adds.

“And we are now a couple, so I hope that does not affect our personal relationships or my place in the book club,” I admit, but I’m not entirely joking either. I’ve never dated my friend’s brother—hell, I’ve never dated. Not really, anyway.

Vivian rears back. “What? Are you serious right now? This is not something that needs to change things, if anything, this is great news that will just mean we get to see even more of you.”

Savannah tilts her head and pauses, taking me in, seeing too much. “How did you think we would react to you officially telling us something we’ve known unofficially for months now, Harlow?”

“Maybe that you didn’t like the idea of me with your brother,” they both audibly gasp in unison, “or my job, or I don’t know. Just have reservations about us.” I shrug as I’m trying to downplay the fact that I just admitted something exceptionally vulnerable.

I don’t want to lose either of them. Their friendships in the last year have become incredibly special to me, and while my feelings for Ryan are deep and very real, there was still a significant potential risk in this conversation.

“Harlow, honey, no. Look at me.” Vivian sits on the coffee table in front of me so she can face me sitting on her couch. “Your job is amazing, you are amazing—and not because of your job—those two things are just both true. You are our friend, and if our brother, Ryan, right? It is Ryan?” She grins.

I nod. “Yes, I’m talking about Ryan.”

“Just checking.” She winks. “If you and Ryan are in a relationship, then that’s great. Two people I love spending time together? Sounds like a win to me. What do you think, Sav?”

Savannah stands and reluctantly hands Henry to his mama as he starts to fuss to be fed. “I think knowing what we know about your history, it makes sense that you were worried about … rocking the apple cart, so to say.”

I nod at that accurate statement.

I have been worried about how my relationship with their brother would impact the friendships I’ve discovered with not only Vivian and Savannah, but also the rest of the book club. Savannah’s next-door neighbor, Stacy, may be invasive and opinionated, but she’s the mother-figure I’ve never had and always wanted. Vivian’s besties, Lauren and Willa, are queens of gifs, and they both keep me laughing throughout the week, even with non-book related conversations. Getting to not only know but become friends with women like Pippa and Sophia has been incredible, to say the least.

I didn’t want to lose that.

I didn’t want to lose them.

“I wanted to still have my place in your lives as just Harlow, and not only because I was with Ryan, because if I’m only there as Ryan’s girlfriend, then…” I trail off and shake my head as understanding dawns between the sisters.

“Then if you two were to break up, you would lose your spot in not only that relationship but all of the other ones that crossover with Ryan’s life.” For some reason, Savannah’s wise assessment is bringing tears to my eyes, and I don’t trust my voice, so I just nod.

“Well, then you clearly didn’t hear one of the main rules of The Brigade,” Vivian adds. The Callahan siblings are known as The Cavalry, and The Brigade is the expanded group of the siblings, plus significant others like their husbands, Walker and Theo, and Jack’s girlfriend, Tinsley Sinclair. “We play for keeps. And if you’re a part of our lives, and we claim you, you’re ours.” She shrugs like she didn’t just pour soothing balm on my deep relational insecurities.