Page 127 of Choosing Us

“Baby! This is amazing. Okay, not the way I thought we’d find out, but Lo, you’re pregnant! We’re having a baby! Wait, is everything okay?”

“I don’t know, Ryan. I just found out. And I needed you.”

“What does your gut tell you?”

I look back at the pink line and up at my husband. My gut is only saying one thing, even if my head is freaking out over the possibility, but my heart has already accepted the truth.

“We’re having a baby, Ryan.” The tears are free falling by now, joy mixed with fear. Did I hurt the baby when I fell? Am I capable of being a mother? What if I turn into my mother?

The exam room door opens, and Walker steps in, immediately honing in on my tears.

“Did you already go to imaging?” He looks around the room as if someone else made me cry hysterically.

I shake my head and hand my phone to Walker.

“Walker, I need you to get her cleared, then get her back to Forrest Falls as soon as possible. We will follow up with doctors here.”

Walker looks from Ryan to me. “Why would she need follow-up care if she insisted up and down all night it was just a fall?”

Ryan is pacing faster on the screen. “Walker, less questions, more action, man. I need my girl home, so I can make sure they are both okay.”

Walker’s eyes bulge out of his head as his head whips to me. “Both? What do you mean both?” He looks down to my stomach then back up at me. “Harlow, are you pregnant? Did I … did I send you on an operation when you’re pregnant?”

“I didn’t know—we didn’t know. You didn’t know. I … I don’t know!” I lean back on the bed and cover my eyes, embarrassed that I can’t get a hold of my emotions that are all over the place right now. I shouldn’t be finding this out in a room with my boss. It should be in our bathroom with Ryan pacing around the toilet, and a moment where we can hug and look at each other, sharing the joy.

But instead, I fell on my ass and found out I was pregnant.

Twenty-two minutes later, I am lying on my back and watching a little jellybean on the screen while the on-call OBGYN confirms that everything looks like it should after my fall. My fears relax as I take in the image on the screen.

And then I hear it.

The fluttering sound fills the exam room, and I’ve never heard such a beautiful sound in my life. My baby—our baby. Their beating heart chased away any fears of becoming my mother, and I am engulfed with a love I’ve never experienced, and I still need to wait approximately thirty-five weeks before I get to meet them face to face.

But like I already somehow know them, I already love them. I grip the cell phone tighter at the realization as I glance down at the screen. I had the camera flipped so I could make sure he saw what I did. They don’t usually allow cell phones during ultrasounds but made an exception based on our situation.

And even though he isn’t here, I’m so glad I got to share this moment with him. The OBGYN gives me the standard information after the exam, and I promise to follow up with my own doctor as soon as possible. Once she leaves the room, it’s just me, looking at my cell phone screen.

Ryan, with tears in his eyes, softly says, “We know three things now, Lo.”

I wipe away a tear that escaped at seeing him emotional. “Oh, yeah, what’s that?”

“We know this baby is going to make life interesting and keep us on our toes.”

I huff a laugh at that as I nod. “And what was the third?”

“We know you’ll be a fantastic mother,” he proclaims.

“We don’t know that, Ryan. I didn’t have a good example.”

“We abso-fucking-lutely do know that, Harlow. And do you know how I know that?”

“No. Why?”

“Because you will choose that baby every single time. They will never, ever, have to wonder if their mother loves them, because it will never be a competition with anything else in your life. When it comes to what’s best for them, you will always put them first and love them to the best of your ability.”

I smile at that—he’s right.

I look at my husband and need to figure out how to get discharged quicker so I can get home to him. “Lucky baby,” I tell him.