Page 51 of Switch Hitter

I’m so far from fine, it’s not even funny.

My phone is a live grenade on the counter, and every time it lights up, my stomach drops like it’s going to hit the floor.

Sean

Okay, boyfriend.

I’ll come

My own words stare back at me from the thread like evidence. The worst part is the second Emiliano called me his boyfriend, my body went warm in a way that had nothing to do with sex. Like something in me finally unclenched and went, “Yes. That. That’s what you want.”

Then my brain followed right behind with its favorite hobby: fear.

New York and the series with the Yankees starting on Friday. All the cameras then his family. My family and him being here for Easter.

My phone buzzes again and his last text makes me miss him even more. I hate him for being sweet, and I hate myself for wanting it. I lock my phone and drop it facedown like that’ll keep my heart from doing stupid things.

It doesn’t. Pacing my apartment, I stop at the window and stare out at the courtyard like answers are hiding in the landscaping. San Jose is loud with normal life. People walking dogs. Someone on a balcony watering their plants. A couple holding hands like it’s nothing, like it’s easy, like love doesn’t come with a price tag.

I could call my mom right now.

I could do the thing I always do, the preemptive strike. The softening. The “Hey, just so you know,” that always sounds like I’m apologizing for existing.

My thumb hovers over her contact.

Then my group chat pings.

David

You alive? Don’t forget Easter RSVP. Mom’s already planning her “Sean is home” menu.

I exhale, and start to type.

Sean

Yeah I’ll be there.

I’ll be bringing someone too.

A knock hits my door, sharp and impatient, before I can catch the text bubble where I’m sure my brother is typing like a madman.

I check the peephole and see Kai.

Awesome! Just what I need.

I open the door, and he barges in like my apartment is community property, followed by Gael, Jackson, and Andres. Brooks and Mike aren’t with them this time, which is honestly suspicious.

Kai points at me immediately. “We need you.”

I blink. “Hi to you too.”

“Hey, Sean,” Gael sighs.

Jackson gives me a look, soft but knowing. Andres’ gaze flicks over me like he’s taking inventory, like he can tell I haven’t eaten a real meal and I’m holding my anxiety by the throat.

Kai claps his hands once. “Okay. Settle a debate.”

My stomach drops. “What debate?”