Page 39 of My Brother’s Best Friend

Deacon winced. “It’s kind of a sensitive topic. Might be more comfortable to do it inside.”

“Sure.” I forced a smile. “Sure, no problem.”

I led him into the cabin, and he sank onto my couch. I sat down on the green deck chair, then popped back up, narrowly avoiding the ceiling beam.

“Do you want a beer?” I asked. “I’ve got a few IPAs left, and some of that cream ale that you liked.”

“Nah, I’m good.” He gave me a hesitant smile. “Somehow, I have the feeling you might not want me to stick around after you hear what I have to say. So I don’t feel like I should impose on your hospitality.”

God, was he trying to give me a heart attack?

I sat back down, then regretted it. Deacon might not want a beer, but I wasn’t sure I could handle this conversation stone-cold sober. But I’d already sat down and gotten up once, and if I did it again, I’d look nuts. I already looked like an asshole; I didn’t really need to add crazy on top of that.

So I just looked at Deacon. Deacon looked at me.

I swallowed.

He swallowed.

When I was little, my mom used to call me into her room whenever she was mad at me. She wouldn’t tell me what I’d done wrong, though—she’d make me guess. I didn’t realize until high school that sometimes, she wasn’t even mad about anything. She was just fishing, trying to get me to confess.

So I really should have known better than to turn myself in now. But as the silence dragged on, I realized she’d trained me too well. I couldn’t bear it. The need to apologize for my actions, for the mere fact of my existence, was overwhelming.

The words spilled out of me. “Look, I totally understand where Levi’s coming from, and I want him, and you, and everyone, to know that I never meant to—”

“Cam, are you gay?”

I stopped short, staring at Deacon.

He stared back.

“What?”

We said it at the same time, and then stared some more.

Did Deacon not know? But then why was he here to yell at me, if he didn’t know? Did he—did Jordan and Levi and everyone—think I’d dry-humped Jordan as some kind of weird, straight-guy joke?

I couldn’t decide if that was better or worse.

“I don’t—I’m not—I’m confused,” I stammered. “Why are you here?”

“Mal told me not to just dive right in.” Deacon shook his head. “He said it would make you uncomfortable. I thought it might be like peeling off a bandaid, but I should have listened.”

I blinked. “I’m not…less confused.”

“Well, I’ll take confused over angry and offended,” Deacon said with a sigh. “Here’s the thing. You and I aren’t that close, I know. And you have every right to tell me this is none of my business. But I kept thinking about how Levi was pushing you to ask someone out on Thursday night, and something you said stuck with me. You told him, ‘Maybe I don’t want to meet a woman,’ and something about the way you said it…”

He trailed off and gave me an assessing look, like he was waiting for me to say something. But I was too busy trying to figure out if he’d talked to Levi, and if Levi had talked to Jordan, to do anything other than wait for him to say more.

“I’ll put it this way,” he said. “I spent a long time hiding a part of myself because I was sure no one would accept me if they knew the truth. It took meeting Mal to make me brave enough to come out. And maybe I’m way off-base, maybe I’m imagining things, but I just—if you were feeling the same way, that there’s this part of you that you have to hide—well, I just wanted you to know that you’ve got a friend if you need one. Two, actually, if you include Mal.”

His words stung. More than stung, they burned. Deacon and I weren’t that close. I’d always wondered if he secretly hated me. And yet he’d seen right through me. Seen through to the part I’d tried so hard to keep hidden, just like he said.

Deacon didn’t know anything about Jordan. But somehow, he knew about me.

“Does Levi know?” I whispered.

“No.” Deacon shook his head. “Mal is the only person I’ve talked to about this, and that was just because I wasn’t sure if talking to you would be supportive or sticking my nose where it didn’t belong. To be honest, I’m still not entirely sure. But I figured it was worth the risk, just in case you needed somebody to talk to. And I promise, I won’t tell anyone else until or unless you want me to.”