Page 53 of The Bound Zodiac

But mostly, it was her.

In training, she didn’t hesitate. She told us what she wanted, how she wanted it, and we gave it to her. Every drop of magic, every ounce of effort. And when it was over, when the last bane flickered out in a haze of dark matter, she’d smile at us, and it was enough to get me through the next hellish insomnia that inevitably waited for me in the dark.

I’d die for her. It was that simple. But I couldn’t fucking touch her. Not after what we’d done. Not with the memory of her tears burned into my skull.

Tonight, she’d been laughing in the kitchen, her hair braided down her back, wearing a pair of night shorts that should have been deemed illegal, and she looked so damn beautiful that it ached deep inside my chest. I’d stood there watching her, a goddamn ogre in the corner, out of place and out of time. And all I wanted was to take her in my arms and never let go.

So I grabbed my phone and scrolled through the streaming apps until I found something she’d mentioned wanting to see. Some horror flick about haunted satellites. Ridiculous as all hell. I queued it up anyway.

On impulse, I texted her.

E: Movie night? Me and Draco.

The reply was instant.

J: I don’t know if that’s such a good idea…

My heart squeezed painfully, but I should have anticipated her hesitance. I didn’t blame her at all.

E: C’mon, it’s only a movie. That new bullshite about haunted space satellites you lot were rambling on about at supper. I promise to be a good boy.

Her reply took forever this time, the little dots popping up before disappearing again. I felt like a fucking teenager all over again. Finally, my phone dinged with a reply.

J: Okay fine, but come to my room. I reserve the right to kick your asses out if I want to.

I laughed out loud to my empty room, a sudden surge of warmth and tingling anticipation racing through me. Just to see her, be around her. It was enough for me. I shot off a text to Draco.

E: Meet me in Jupiter’s room in 20. Movie night. Don’t fuck this up for me, mate.

I sent a little sad face emoji just to emphasize my point. Draco responded with a thumbs up.

The corridor outside her room was silent and cold, and through the windows, fog was thick enough to white out the entire campus. I knocked once, and the door swung open. She stood there in sweatpants and a t-shirt that said ‘This is the skin of a killer,’ across the chest. Hair wild and loose down her back. She looked like she hadn’t slept in a week, but that was all of us lately.

“Come in,” she said, voice low. “Don’t mind the mess.”

It wasn’t a mess. Just books everywhere, notebooks full of diagrams, a single blanket on the couch and Noodle curled up on one of the throw pillows like a smug little bastard.

Draco was already there, leaning against the wall by the window, arms folded, face unreadable. He gave me a nod and nothing more. I tossed the remote to Jupiter, slouched into the far end of the couch, and tried to look casual as I realized she already had the movie ready on her tiny ass TV provided by the academy. Lucky ass… none of us got TVs.

She claimed her blanket, wrapped it around herself like armor, and wedged into the other end furthest from me. Not touching. Not even close. The space between us might as well have been an ocean.

Draco took the armchair, but his eyes were on her, tracking every movement, every twitch of her mouth, every flicker of silver in her gaze. Something was going on with them, I could feel it. I’d known Draco for too many years not to sense a shift in him. But in all honesty, if there was some kind of reconciliation happening under our noses, I fucking welcomed it. It meant we were a step closer to earning her forgiveness that we absolutely would never deserve.

“Ready for nightmares?” I said, trying for a smirk.

She snorted. “Please. We fight monsters for a living. I think I can handle it.”

We settled in, the three of us, and for a long time, nobody spoke. The movie started. Cheesy opening credits. Some asshole astronaut floating alone, mumbling about the void and how empty it was, practically begging for something crazy to come along. Humans and their fear of the darkness truly astounded me. I’d fought the darkness. I knew it could bleed, so it no longer made me afraid.

I couldn’t have told you a single thing that happened in the first half hour. I was too busy watching her watching the movie. Her face in the flickering blue light. The way she tucked her knees up under the blanket. The way her hair fell forward when she leaned in to see the screen. The way she’d glance at me sometimes, like she was checking to see if I was still there.

I tried not to breathe too loud. Tried not to let my hands shake. I wanted to reach for her so badly it felt like my skin was peeling off in strips. I flicked a glance at Draco. His jaw was locked, hands fisted in his lap.

I sent it down the bond, just for him:

‘Hard not to touch her.’

He didn’t look at me, but his answer was instant.