Page 36 of Cartel Devil

“Duci, I overheard the boys talking the other day. You said thanks and waited for him to leave.” Sweetie in Sicilian.

My eyes widen. Part of it is shock and mortification that Elle openly acknowledges I slept with her nephew. Part of it is surprise that anyone’s still discussing it. It’s been weeks. And most of it is regret that Joaquin so completely and utterly misunderstood the entire situation, and it ruined everything since then.

“Elle, I wasn’t waiting for him to leave. I was waiting for him to invite me to breakfast, but he didn’t. He looked at his watch, got his clothes, and clearly ran out like his backside was on fire. I offered the cupcakes because I thought it would be an excuse to go a few blocks over to Sera’s bakery.”

Why does it take a conversation with my high school boyfriend’s mom to learn why the guy I currently have a massive crush on thinks I’m trash?

Tears sting my eyes, and another wave of nausea hits me. I swallow the lump in my throat. It doesn’t help that there’s an overwhelming scent of onions cooking on the grill for the burgers, and we’re suddenly downwind from the smoke. At least that can be my excuse for my watering eyes.

“Trish, you don’t look well. This is more than regret over a miscommunication or a boy you like not talking to you. You’ve been off since you arrived.”

“It was just too warm for me inside, and there are a lot of smells. You know I have a sensitive nose and allergies.”

“I also know your allergies don’t make you look like you want to puke.”

“Maybe I caught something.”

Elle studies me for a moment. “You can’t catch pregnancy.”

All I can do is blink. I don’t think my heart or lungs are still working. I can’t process a thought. I knew I missed a pill, but I told myself I was fine. I even took the missed one as a catch-up, but it was two days late. I was sure I wasn’t close to ovulating yet. I take my pill at the same time every morning, so I was sure I was covered by the hormones still in my system.

Fuck!!!

“Duci, you turn green every time food goes by or you get a whiff of something cooking. You’re clammy because you’re fighting the nausea. You look like you aren’t sleeping well, and I don’t believe it’s just because of Joaquin being standoffish. Are you late?”

I open my mouth to deny it, but I can’t.

“Elle, oh my God. My cycle has never been exactly the same length every month, and I wouldn’t know if it were since my pill has no placebo week. I had no reason to think my period was late. Oh, God.”

“What do you want to do? I can slip out to the pharmacy down the block if you want to know right now. You can do it later if you prefer. I can be with you, or you can have privacy. Whatever you want.”

“I—I—don’t know.”

The blood’s pounding in my ears so loudly that I can barely hear Elle. My head’s floating somewhere above my body. If ever there were an out-of-body experience, this is it. My throat’s dry, and I might burst into tears. This wasn’t even remotely on my mind as a possibility. She could’ve warmed me up to the idea. I wasn’t ready.

I want to collapse, but I can’t. There are people around. The first lesson in being part of a Mafia family: never make a scene unless it’s to your advantage. There’s no advantage to possibly being unwed and pregnant with a baby daddy who can barely say more than five words to you at a time.

“Will you tell him one way or another?”

“If I’m not, no, but if I am, of course. I could never keep that from him. But your family is going to lose their ever-loving minds with me.”

I want to say shit, but I still try not to swear in front of my parents, and Elle is basically my second mom.

“Why?”

“I heard about what happened with Alejandro when someone accused him of having a child outside of marriage. Catalina lost it. You were there. You know what happened to that man. I don’t, but I know no one’s seen him since. The Diaz family doesn’t do children out of wedlock. I won’t trap him.”

“First of all, Catalina lost her shit because the pezzo di merda claimed Alejandro was a deadbeat dad. It had nothing to do with whether he was unmarried and had a kid. Secondly, Joaquin may want to give his opinion on what’ll happen, but he won’t force anything on you, just like I know you’d never force anything on him. Talk to him.” Piece of shit.

That’s the first time she’s ever sworn in front of me.

“I’m scared.”

What the fuck have I done?

What’re my parents going to say?

What will Joaquin do?