Page 136 of Ruthless Claim

Until I ruined it a month ago.

I look at the two cups on my table. Both are mine.

My stomach turns. I push the eggs away.

At noon I get a cab to the apartment because I have to try.

Even if she’s not answering the door, I have to try because doing nothing feels like the worst version of all my choices so far and I’ve made enough bad ones to last a lifetime.

The lobby is exactly what it always is with its marble floor, brass fittings.

The front desk has its arrangement of white flowers that gets changed out every Monday.

The whole thing screams that rich people live here. And of course I live here, because Connor chose this place. Connor paid for this place.

Every time I walk through that lobby I am walking through a space that belongs to someone else’s idea of what my life should look like. I have spent the entirety of my marriage trying to make it actually mine, trying to make it ours. I wait for the concierge to come back from calling up and I look at the elevator doors.

God, how many times have I come through them and she was on the other side? In the chair by the window. Looking up to see me with that small smile gracing her lips, letting me know that I’m part of what this space means to her now.

The concierge comes back with an embarrassed look on his face.

“No one is home, sir,” he says respectfully.

My stomach plummets. “Thanks,” I tell him before I go back outside.

There’s a bunch of people on the pavement, bumping into me and trying to avoid my presence, but I don’t care. My mind is racing, trying to figure out where the hell she could be.

She’s at Emma’s and Leo’s.

There is nowhere else she could be, because Emma is the person Valentina calls when things fall apart.

I should call first and at least give Emma a heads up that I’m coming, but I dismiss that thought immediately. Calling first means she can tell me not to come and I am not ready to be told that. Instead, I hail a cab and give the cabbie Emma and Leo’s address.

When I get to the building, I make my way upstairs and pound on the door. I bounce on the balls of my feet, anxiety and exhaustion making me jittery. Emma will have to let me in. She will know this was all a big mistake. She will let me see⁠—

Emma opens the door and from the look on her face, I made a huge mistake.

I’ve known Emma her entire life and have seen every emotion possible cross her face. I’ve seen her furious. I’ve seen her elated. I’ve seen her inconsolable. I’ve seen her hurt.

But the Emma standing in front of me is none of those emotions.

No, she’s cold.

She is looking at me with green eyes so cold they look like ice chips. She looks so much like Connor right now it’s actually scary.

“You have some fucking nerve,” she snaps, her arms crossed tightly across her chest. “Showing up here today unannounced and uninvited. After what you did.”

I wince and pass a hand over my face. “Emma⁠—”

“No.” She holds up one hand, glaring at me fiercely. “You don’t get to use my name like that—like you’re trying to get me to agree with you.” She is barricading the door, unable to let me see anything inside. It’s confirmation that Valentina is here. I try to glance around her, but Emma follows my movement.

“Is she here?” I ask.

“She is inside,” Emma says, eyeing me like I’m shit beneath her shoe. “Trying to figure out what her life looks like now because of choices you made. She is pregnant and exhausted. She spent yesterday handling a disaster you created and then walked out of. You turning up here today doesn’t help that.”

I hate myself so much right now. “I know⁠—”

“I’m not done.” Her jaw is tight and her eyes don’t leave my face. “You know what she said to me last night? She said she gave you everything. She said she let you in. Do you know how hard that is for her? She let you in completely and you lied to her.” She shakes her head in disbelief. “Why, Cillian? Why couldn’t you have just told her the truth? This…this woman was before Valentina. Do you think she would have cared? Or are you that much of a control freak?”